The Past Never Dies
by scarletdestiny
Summary: I'll state this right from the start: this is not a traditional fan fiction story. Although this story takes part mostly in the past, there will be scenes from the present day glee time with a bunch of characters that I know everyone loves. Half of this is the story of Kyle, Sebastian's older brother, and how his life and death greatly impacted the character of Sebastian we know.
1. Prologue

**Okay, so I obviously don't own Glee; I do however, own the characters in the flashback (France) scenes since I couldn't find an extraordinarily convincing way to get Sebastian's past to make sense without creating a few characters of my own. **

**Now that the guidelines are out of the way, seriously, any and all tips/reviews/telling-me-I'm-crazy-for-writing-this comments are very helpful. :) **

**Also, the story does get rather violent later, just putting that warning out there. **

_May 17, 2015 Zachary Neuma_

_Whenever people ask me how it all started or what happened that turned a formerly innocent, sweet, brilliant kid into one of the biggest jerks they've ever met, I simply walk away. It shouldn't matter what happened, how it happened, who caused it to happen or why it happened. The only question people should be asking is "Why can't I see past the disguise that he obviously wears and try to help?" but no, people don't think that way; if someone is mean or appears angry, their first instinct is to yell and prove why they're correct and point out why the person is a jerk._

_ It's true what they say, "Never judge a book by its cover", you should only judge when you have read the story. Even then you should think before you pass judgment because who are you to decide what the fate of a person should be? _

_ Not many people seem to understand the concept of loyalty. I hear people ask me all the time how I could possibly be friends with someone so incredibly rude. "Easily," I always respond. He was my friend before he turned angry and bitter, so he's still going to be my friend no matter what the circumstances are. Besides, it has taken us a long time to get him to speak his mind about anything, so if he wants to take it out on people, I think I'm almost alright with the idea. It could always be worse; he could take it all out on himself again. _

_I struggled with him for slightly over five years just to make him see that there was a reason to live in our mixed-up, stupid world. For four years before then, I had tried to make him see the brilliant person he was and to get him to show people that side of him. It seemed that he was finally growing into his confident self when everything crashed down and sent me back to the metaphorical drawing board. _

_ One of the hardest lessons to teach people is how to trust. To some, it is a born instinct that they never have problems with because they know exactly who they are and they will allow no one to say negative things towards them. To most however, the concept of trust is just an impossible dream; an unattainable goal that will never be met no matter how long they may live. How do you teach someone to trust? Well, it goes back to the whole loyalty subject; be there for your friends when they need you and do not betray them. _

_ The most challenging problem I've faced (which is saying something because I've seen and been through a lot in my twenty years of life) is knowing when to tell someone in higher authority a secret that a friend has told you in complete confidence. Normally, if it was a situation that was extremely serious, it would be a no-brainer that you would tell someone so that they could help. This was no ordinary situation though. I knew that if I told, he would push away his only friend and then he would have absolutely no one to keep him in line. _


	2. Chapter One

_Performing on a stage in front of hundreds or thousands of people and listening to their thunderous applause is one of the greatest feelings a human can attain. Knowing that everyone is the entire auditorium is clapping and yelling because of the performance that you just gave, lifts even the lowest of emotions. Music had been proven to be a positive therapeutic procedure for anyone experiencing depression or anxiety. However, it is hardly ever said if this music therapy actually helps the performers themselves. _

_ Some of the most depressed and unhappy people I know are those who are great performers. No, not just great. Extraordinary. They believe that their life is so horrible that they have no reason left to live. Even though they are some of the best musicians, performers, songwriters, actors, and just general people I've ever known, they are constantly unhappy. _

_ Even I am not constantly excited to perform. It isn't that I don't enjoy singing and dancing and all that jazz, but there are songs and moments in performances that one simply does not wish to do. There are times when the situations in songs relate so well to reality that every note and every lyric causes pain in one's inner being. _

_ Sure, many songs came into being through struggles of an artist. Also, yes, many people tend to enjoy having things to relate to and they like the comfort of knowing that other people have gone through the same situations. However, how is one meant to perform the very songs convincingly that are hard for them even to listen to because they understand the exact feelings that the artists were going through when they wrote the songs? _

_ There are times when I am performing that I simply cannot go through with the rest of a song or a dance number because I am reminded of my past. And my past is something that I do not enjoy bringing up. _

_ "Today was the first day of the rest of our lives" seems to be what everyone says when they come of age to go off to school somewhere far from meddling parents and begin to live their lives as they wish. However, this situation normally happens during early college years, not when a person turns ten. Yet, none of us were exactly regular ten-year olds. Nope, we belonged to the lucky group of rich, talented children who were shipped off to boarding school as soon as our parents could first get rid of us. _

_ Maybe that assessment is too harsh, but that's how it felt to us kids. When my younger brother and I reached the apparently ripe age of ten, we were both sent off from our parent's home in the bustling life of New York City until we reached the foreign land of Paris, France that housed one of the largest and greatest premier theater training schools in the world. Basically, we traveled an incredibly long ways away from home just to be trained in the arts of Broadway when we could have just gone to a closer school to achieve the same exact thing. _

_ It's possible that the life lessons we learned would have changed, no doubt people would have been different as well, and we would never have gotten all of the good memories along with the terrifying ones. Aren't memories what make life worth living for? If you never did anything, you would still have memories of you just sitting around your home all day staring at walls and occasionally a television screen. _

_ For the sake of wonderful memories, I suppose going to school in France wasn't so bad that I should argue the point with my parents, even though they were the ones who were quite willing to give us up and force us to fend for ourselves in a different country. Alright, so maybe I'm still not completely over the whole deal and I have slight abandonment issues; who doesn't? There are times in all of our lives where we feel abandoned, excluded, and left alone to die in a deep, dark pit where not even a drop of sunlight reaches the ground. _

_ Suffice to say that it was obviously a large cultural shock moving from the United States of America to France. Thankfully though, our parents had planned for our education from a very early age and had thus made us take French ever since we began to speak. We were three years apart, my brother and I. Yet somehow, he always seemed older because of the way he acted. Either that or because he surpassed me in almost every way possible, even those areas he hadn't yet passed me in, I could feel he surely would over the next few years when he and I would start attending the same school._

_ I suppose I was the nice older brother who was willing to go scout out the enemy field ahead of time in order to prepare it for my brother. Nah, I was excited to leave home, just not at such a young age. I was thinking that I would like to be out of the house before I turned fourteen since even Harry Potter didn't leave until he was eleven. Apparently, singing, dancing, acting, and just preforming in general took slightly longer than learning magic. The way I figured it though, both magic and preforming for Broadway on whatever generally we wanted to do were attributes one was born with and simply had to expand their entire lives. Why hurry in the beginning? Perhaps the reason was to see if we were really any good or if our parents were just rich. Or maybe so that we would see if preforming was a career choice we wanted to follow. _

_ Most people don't even begin to live their lives until they're at least nineteen. Even then, not many people succeed in life in the preforming industry. So why bother wasting hours upon countless hours in the mere hope of finding one person who has the drive, ambition, strength, and talent needed to make it all the way to the end? Why waste children's lives making them live out a life that they either possibly don't want or turn out to not be good enough for? _

_ My parents were under the impression that I was the greatest singer since the '80s with all of the cool people like Michael Jackson. I wasn't anywhere near as good as Michael though. I highly doubt I ever would be. He was a once in a lifetime, once in the history of the Earth kind of guy, why try making more music when greatness has already been achieved by so many? Let's just listen to them sing all day instead. _

_ Now I'm stalling from the purpose of this book though, to explain what happened and why it happened so that you may try to understand and forgive the many wrongs that I have set against you. I ought to have been a better brother, sometimes though, it's just far too easy to become sucked into your own life and forget those around you whom you are affecting with your actions. _

It was 2005. Every year that passes us by forces us to grow up faster and begin to think and act like adults much sooner than the average thirteen-year-old. At our age, most kids tend to go to a normal, public school where all they have to worry about is arguing with their parents, stupid drama with friends, supposedly mean teachers, early curfews, and just basically acting like children and driving adults insane.

However, when you put a thirteen-year-old practically by themselves on a different continent, things tended to be a little different. For instance, we were obviously more independent than most other kids our age and we even forgot at times that we had parents waiting back in the States for us to come home over Summer and holiday breaks. Although, not all of the parents were thrilled to have their children back for breaks...

It was always odd coming home and having to act like a child again by actually listening to your parents and doing what they told you instead of just doing what you wanted and knew you had to complete as we all did at school. Sure, we had curfews and had to do homework and all the normal things, but the ball was always in our court to get everything done on time; going home and having your parents tell you when to do certain activities was rather difficult when you knew yourself better than they would ever know you.

All in all, we seemed to pretty much be treated like college students when we were away at school. Just maybe four or five years early. Every year that we passed into the next grade, the rules grew slimmer until you felt that one could practically get away with almost anything and no one would say a thing about it to you, unless it physically hurt someone else and the incident was reported to the headmaster.

Yes, our school was still strict about grades and appropriate behavior, but it was not at all like being at home with at least one parent looking over your shoulder the whole day. At school, they didn't care if you stayed up extremely late, you just had to be back in your dorm room by midnight. If you were a high school student though and had a good reputation with those in authority, there was no time when you necessarily had to be back in your room, just back on campus.

Unlike the U.S., the drinking age in France was fourteen. That meant that not only was drinking allowed on campus and the dorms for all who were of age, it was actually anticipated. It seemed that there were fewer instances of drunkenness that needed to be addressed since the age limit was lower, but maybe it wasn't all that different. What was strange was returning home and not being allowed to legally drink since we weren't yet twenty-one.

Sure, there are still annoying drunken people on the streets, but generally only at nighttime and they don't normally bother people who are just walking by. Well, unless they happen to be beggars too, then they're just aggravating.

I can understand why not all young adults who go off to college want to come home again. It's never the same once you've tasted freedom and true independence. That's why I don't think boarding school is a good idea for anyone. In some ways, they feel like military schools with all of the rules and expectations; okay, so not really a military school since we don't have the uniforms, drills, sergeants yelling at us the entirety of the day, work-out schedules, or any of that hardcore discipline stuff.

We do have the insanely long days though. During the week, we have to get up at six o'clock, eat breakfast at six-thirty, be at our first class by seven. From seven until lunch at noon are our normal school classes like math, science, literature, history (both French and American), and French class since we all need to be able to speak the language completely fluently.

When lunch ends at twelve-thirty, then we start the classes that all of us students are really coming to the school for. Music history, modern dance, instrumental practice, choir, ballet (if you were seriously awful at that then you were made to take another form of dance), and we were allowed to choose our sixth class. During one's early years at school, we were put into a diverse set of lessons in order for the teachers to pinpoint which were our strongest suits that we should pursue and which areas would be best to leave alone.

Pretty much, it feels like the entire point of school is to kill each and every one of its students after sucking in all of their parent's money. When I was younger, I used to envision the teachers being holed up in their offices, cackling together about how best to destroy the next set of unlucky students. Would it be a rigorous schedule that hardly anyone could actually survive completing, would it be a poison that only set in when a person halted movement, or would they just stick us all together in a room like the Hunger Games and see who died first? Now, there was no such thing as the Hunger Games when we were younger, but I imagine it felt at least that deadly to most kids.

I suppose it would be kind of me to tell my name, but hey, no one said I was a nice guy.

Onwards with the story, I suppose, I did promise to write this down, after all.

Fourth year seems like a pretty good place to start; for all of you normal kids out there who don't understand what I mean by that, it's just what you call Freshman year. By the way, what's up with that? You go from eighth grade being the oldest kids in school back to the youngest, that just seems messed up. No wonder you feel out of place in your high schools.

Being in the fourth year class really was not that bad; you were older than some people and could boss them around-I mean, be helpful, and you were younger than others so there were still things for you to learn. Yes, I did just say that once you're a "senior" there's nothing else to learn, while that is not really true, it might feel like it at times.

Let's switch it up; I will not be starting at the beginning since I believe that to be boring and too traditional, but the middle, or the end, or at some random place. Figure it out yourself. And if you thought this was actually just my story, well then you'd be dead wrong. I won't even be telling most of it myself so I guess it's up to you to be smart enough to put the pieces together.


	3. Chapter Two

"We're not really going to let them get away with making us look like complete fools, are we?" He had been pacing consistently for the past thirty minutes, during which he must have already asked that question at least a dozen times. The two of us had already had this conversation at least eight times in the past week so I felt no need to repeat what I had already said. "Are you even listening to me right now?" I sighed as the textbook I was lazily trying to read was slammed shut. _Again? I actually try to study for once and this is what it earns me? _

Pulling the textbook out of his grasp, I rebelliously opened it again. "Yes, I suppose I should be listening to you since we all know how well that worked out last time." The pointed sarcasm in my voice wasn't strong enough to hide the small amount of anger that I let slip out of my mouth.

There was a brief moment where I wondered whether or not we would end up yelling at each other until I really didn't end up studying or if Hunter would actually be able to get his emotions under control this time. "We've talked about this before, besides, you were for the idea when I mentioned it," he replied calmly.

_Really? I was looking forward to having you blow up and get expelled. _"What? No steroids today?" I asked as soon as I was aware that he was back to his calm, military-schooled self. "Did you finally realize the pointlessness in them or did you get busted again?" I tried to sound innocent but the humored smirk on my face probably didn't get that across. Besides, I knew I couldn't pull off the innocent act like I used to. I could, however, probably goad him into doing something stupid and still achieve my goal of having him expelled before he could cause more damage.

"Of course I didn't get busted!" He sighed wearily and shifted his eyes to each of the three doors, making sure they were all still closed, "I just haven't, you know, had time to-"

"To what? Shove a needle in your arm and inject yourself with a dosage strong enough to kill you?" Already bored of the conversation, I flipped a page in my textbook and tried to make myself focus on the words.

"It's not that strong and I'm not that stupid." Looking about as exhausted as I felt, he dropped into the chair across from me.

I glanced up from the swirling mass of words and raised my eyebrow, "…so, you admit to being at least partially stupid?"

Hunter's death glare was normally enough to send anyone running out of the room sobbing, but I had seen worse. "I'm _not _stupid. I'm just-" He glanced hurriedly over at the left side door at the sudden voices just outside. After waiting a moment, whoever had been at the door moved away and carried their conversation elsewhere. "Just forget it, it's not even like I'm taking that much of the drug anymore." He spoke quietly, which made sense since he had already been busted once and that had been plastered all over the news, yet he was somehow still miraculously here.

"No? Bummer, here I was, hoping you just might just drop dead from a pointless drug overdose. At least then I wouldn't have to put up with you any longer." Without waiting to see if my last statement might earn me another death glare, I stared down at the block of black ink covering the pages of my history textbook. _This doesn't make any sense, I know I'm tired and all, but losing my reading skills is just going over the line. _

"You do realize you've been going back to that page and reading it over and over again for the past hour, right?" _Of course I know that, moron, I'm actually in control of what I do, unlike you apparently. _"Look, I know we kind of hate each other and all, but are you okay?" Admittedly, I was slightly shocked to hear what I assumed counted as Hunter's version of concern being directed towards me.

I shrugged distractedly and blinked my eyes a few times to try to get rid of the fog covering my brain. "Like you said, we hate each other." Giving up on reading, I slammed the book closed and pushed it to the other side of the table. "Oh, and going back to the statement you made earlier, I never agreed that using steroids at sectionals was a good idea. In fact, I seem to remember being the only one who _refused _to use them because I knew it would end badly. You just didn't have the guts to kick me out since you knew you needed me to sing in order to win."

"Well you certainly didn't make a huge deal of saying it was a bad idea. So, this can be seen as your fault since you knew and didn't do anything to stop it from happening." The victorious look on his made me think he had finally gone crazy.

"Moron, everyone included knew about the drugs, so it's clearly not my fault."

"Fine, whatever, so maybe I misunderstood when you said you would do whatever it took to win for a change instead of getting pounded on by those directionally challenged kids who think they can sing when they really sound like dying seals!" I prided myself on not even flinching when Hunter stood up and smacked his hands down on the table. _All hope of you losing it hasn't died, _I noted with an inward smile.

Another sarcastic comment was forming in my head and was about to leave my mouth when I realized just how freakishly exhausted I really was. Suddenly struggling to keep my eyes open, I quickly gathered up my textbooks and stood up to leave the room. Hunter must have noticed the drastic change in my demeanor because his anger was slowly fading from his face. "Are you sure you're alright, Sebastian?"

I nodded wearily and moved toward the right side door, "Yeah, I'm just going to study in my room. Where there isn't a maniac yelling at me constantly."

"I'm not a maniac!" Hunter yelled back as I exited the Warbler's practice room. Hopefully, I would be able to wake myself up before practice in an hour, but with how I was feeling lately, I really doubted that would be the case.


	4. Chapter Three

_I know I already promised that my story might confuse a bunch of you, but honestly, I'm not crazy or anything like that, I swear. This entire thing actually really confuses me too and I still don't understand why most of this stuff happened, I guess that's what happens when you trust people with your life and the lives of the people you care about. Remember please that I'm completely sane. In fact, I'm actually pretty normal; I'm one of those people who gets away with dating his best friend without anyone finding out. Well…I _was _one of those people, before everything went terribly wrong. _

_ But there I go again, giving away the story. Even though I only started to write this stupid thing to get my feelings imprinted somewhere, I still feel an obligation to treat this properly and try to make it interesting. After all, the only people who will ever know the truth are those who either went through my life with me or read the jumbled mess of words I'm currently putting to paper. _

_ I swear, my main goal is not to confuse you, I just honestly don't know where to begin. Part of me wants to start at the beginning, but then it might get boring going in chronological order and absolutely nothing would be a surprise to you. So maybe…maybe I'll just start in my Sixth year at boarding school, right before the fall dance that we had all worked so hard to be allowed to hold. _

Xavier, Jonathan, Michaela, Lucy, my younger brother Daniel, my brother's best friend Zachary, and I were sitting at one of the many metal bleachers forming a square on the outer edge of the cafeteria. Most of the benches were overflowing with people, but that was mostly due to the fact that half of the people had their cellos, guitars, portable drums, violins, and basically any other type of easily movable instrument you can think of. Lunch was always interesting with the numerous sounds from multiple individuals practicing varying instruments in a rush before class, but there was an unspoken rule that if one person was known to have a large recital approaching, then that person would be allowed to perform without any distractions.

While it might seem like there was not enough room for all of the hundreds of students that attending the boarding school from all over the world if all of the tables were squished against the four walls with the only opening being for the main doors, separate lunch times helped from making anyone feel too claustrophobic. In reality, my brother and Zachary shouldn't have even been in the same lunch time as us since everyone else in the room was at least two years older, but we had all gotten so used to breaking that rule that the teachers didn't even bring up the matter any longer. Besides, there was plenty of room for two more people when you took into account the fact that a third of the students ate quickly and moved out to the wooden dance floor in the middle of the room to get some practice in before class began.

_Yes, that's right, we were awesome enough to have a dignified practice area in our lunch room. I mean, wait, doesn't everyone have those? No? Well…yeah, there's nothing nice I could say there._

As entertaining as lunch time often was, it felt great to get out of there and start another wonderful day in the life of an aspiring performer.

"Kyle, wait up for a minute." I turned around from throwing away the remainder of lunch in one of the six large black trashcans at various points around the room, to see Lucy coming towards me from the direction of the rest of my friends who were still shoving their books into backpacks and gathering up lose bits of homework. Unwillingly, I smiled as she came closer and I noticed that she had let her wavy, shoulder-length black hair down from her normal ponytail since I had walked away. As a lifestyle choice, she always wore clothes that most girls would frown down upon saying she looked too "neat" or something to that extent, but just because she chose to be incredibly modest and never wear any sort of clothes that might distract wandering eyes from her beautiful bright green eyes, didn't mean she was a coward.

In fact, I had found myself noticing more and more lately just how gorgeous she was, and her sweet, caring personality didn't do anything to make me distance myself from what I often felt for her. Today was no exception; standing there in her neck-high red Calvin Klein dress, with her soft, black hair shining under the florescent lighting from above, there was no doubt in my mind that she and I were meant for each other. But no, I couldn't just go thinking things like that, I was already in a good relationship and there was no way that it was going to end any time soon.

Shaking myself out of the haze I had unintentionally put myself in the moment Lucy walked up, I finally noticed that she was not wearing her normal smile that lit up her face. "Is something wrong?" Even though I mentally slapped myself for only being able to come up with one of the most overused questions in the history of the world, the serious frown on her face was concerning me.

"Have you spoken to your brother lately?" Admittedly, I was rather taken aback by her question. It took me a moment to realize, but her tone had almost sounded accusatory, and that confused me to no end.

"Of course," I wanted to do this slowly so she wouldn't think I didn't care; I had learned it was best to think things through before you spoke, especially if a female seemed miffed. "I spoke to him at lunch; he seemed like himself."

An unknown emotion showed on her face, "Really? You haven't noticed anything…different…about him in the past few months?"

I shook my head, confused, and moved away from the trashcan that I just noticed I was standing in front of. "Like I said, he seemed fine a few minutes ago." Lucy glanced down and adjusted the black belt around her waist. "Why?" It seemed the only reasonable question to ask since there was clearly something Lucy wanted to say but either was too afraid to say it, or just didn't know how.

After a moment's hesitation, during which her eyes were narrowed in worry, she peered back up at me, as if considering how much to say. I had just about convinced myself that she would share whatever it was that was bothering her, when Michaela and Xavier walked over. "Here, Lucy," Michaela held out Lucy's small stack of books, "you left these on the table." Quickly turning away from my questioning gaze, Lucy grabbed her books out of Michaela's outstretched hand and held them against herself.

"Everything okay?" Dimly, I registered the uncertainty in Xavier's voice as he looked back and forth between Lucy and I.

"Yeah, you look a little shaken-" Michaela started to speak, but Lucy stopped her before anything else could be said.

"Yes, everything is fine." Once more turning to face me, "We need to head to class now, yes?"

I had just started nodding when the three of them walked off, all looking dejected and whispering concerning to each other. _What are you hiding from me? _I wondered as I watched them disappear in the mass of students rushing out of the lunch room.


	5. Chapter Four

**To everyone who has taken the time to read this story so far, thank you! Also, do I need to change the summery? I know how awful I am at those things since I'm always too worried about giving crucial plot information away. **

The obnoxious volume of my cell phone blaring Kelly Clarkson's "If I Can't Have You" right into my ear combined with the relentless pounding on my dorm room door is what finally jolted me awake. Groggily, I pushed myself into a sitting position and dangled my legs over the side of my bed while I checked my phone, leaving whoever was trying to break down my door at their hard work. No surprise, it was from Hunter, who I suspected was also the person outside my door but I was not interested enough in what he would yell at me if I did open the door.

After five minutes of hearing the pounding, it was starting to drive me crazy. _Since when does he have this much energy? _Smiling to myself, I pulled open the door just as Hunter was about to start pounding again, causing him to lose his balance slightly and take a quick step into my room. "Finally found time to shoot yourself in the arm?" It was obvious by the dark glint in his eye and his newfound energy that he had shoved himself full of steroids yet again. I couldn't help myself from laughing suddenly at his sorry state.

Ignoring my question, Hunter shoved his way into the room and glared around angrily before spinning around to face me, "What the hell were you doing?" He growled, "Practice started half an hour ago and you didn't show!"

Instinctively, I moved a few steps away from him to put a short amount of distance between us before I dared to respond, "I'm flattered, Hunter, that you were concerned for my welfare." I smiled smugly to try and hide the slight fear trying to build in my gut and tell me to run from the moron killing himself on drugs. "But, like you already so aptly pointed out, we should be at practice right now," I gestured toward the door, silently hoping he would take the bait, "after you."

Shifting his eyes between me and the thick, oak door, he took a step forward before glaring at me and heading out the door, "You better be there in five minutes!" he yelled over his shoulder.

A deep, relived sigh escaped my mouth as I sunk into a sitting position against the wall parallel to the door. _I'm just glad that's over. It's pathetic though, I should know better to react like an idiot when someone's so clearly affected by drugs that they aren't in complete control of what they say or do; it's not like I haven't been in this position before. _Absent-mindedly, I spun my cell phone in a circled loop in my hand as I tried to get my thoughts under control. _Really, he shouldn't freak you out that much, he's just another idiot willing to do whatever it takes to make his way in the world, which ironically, also tends to ruin one's chances of a nice life. _

_ It's just-all that anger. I haven't seen anger that intense since…_At the sudden knock on my door, my phone slipped from my hand and bounced softly on the floor. Picking it up quickly and inspecting it to make sure it wasn't damaged, I ignored the two guys standing in the doorway, concern and confusion etched clearly on their faces. However, as soon as I lifted my eyes from my phone, they both hastily changed their facial expressions until they seemed about ready to explode with fake giddiness from the smiles suddenly springing to life on their faces. "Permission to enter the room, sir?" I groaned inwardly as Nick saluted before strutting into the room at my weary nod.

I knew instantly when Jeff closed the door before taking a seat on my bed beside Nick that I wasn't going to be allowed to simply talk my way out of another "intervention". The two of them had someone gotten it into their heads during the past few weeks that attempting to give counseling advice was a thing they were skilled at. Glancing over at them now, I still was uncertain to how they came up with that conclusion. After all, it wasn't like either of them had very happy, stable home lives, yet they were trying to tell me what to do in my own life. It seemed like the perfect recipe for disaster, and yet, I couldn't help thinking that it was nice to know someone noticed part of the true person buried deep inside me to care enough to even attempt to get me to open up a little.

Not that their attempts were ever going to work. I had come too far to start dwelling on days dead in the past.

"So, what happened with you and Hunter? I mean, everybody noticed that you were late to practice, but we just figured you just wanted to make and entrance or something." Nick was trying his best not to sound like he was being nosy so he had taken to fingering the navy blue sheet that lay rumbled on my bed. _"We"? When did that happen? Who needs and intervention now? _I scoffed inwardly and tried not to let my amusement show on my face.

"He looked pretty ticked when he came back to practice after he talked to you." Jeff added, no doubt trying to be helpful and get me to talk.

Nick nodded as Jeff spoke, "Yeah, he stormed out again after you didn't show up a few minutes ago. No one's really sure where he went, so we figured we would find you and see if you could-ah…step in and take charge for a little while…"

_"We" again, seriously, guys, you're not making it hard to guess what's going on between the two of you. _I shrugged and looked down at my phone, "Why? You can't handle one lame practice by yourselves?"

An uncomfortable glance passed between the two of them, "Well…it's not so much that we can't handle it, it's more of…" Nick paused and scrunched his eyebrows together as if thinking of the best way to phrase whatever it was he wanted to say.

"Hunter is probably going to get expelled any day now and we'll need a new captain when he does, so," making sure he was saying the correct thing, Jeff turned his eyes to catch Nick's before continuing, "we wanted to let you know of that certainty so that you could come back and take over again. I mean, after the things Hunter's done, everybody would love to have you back as captain; we might actually have a chance of…"

"We already got eliminated from official competition this year and the three of us won't be here next year, so why does it matter who takes over?" The words came out harsher than I meant; it wasn't their fault that Hunter had been a complete idiot in ruining all of our chances at ever going to Nationals.

"That's the point, Seb, we think there might be a way for us to get back into competition." Nick spoke slowly as he relayed his idea, "You see, if we can prove that Hunter was the only one who actually took the steroids for the purpose of sectionals, then we might win some merit since we're booting him off of the team."

I shook my head, "It's a nice thought, but you all _did _take the steroids for the purpose of winning sectionals. Besides, _they _already replaced us and get to go to regionals instead. If we wanted a way back into competition, we would have to provide a legitimate reason for why they should be eliminated and why we should be allowed to compete again."

Jeff bounced slightly on the edge of my bed, "That's just it! We _didn't_ take those steroids. We," he gestured between himself and Nick, "replaced the actual steroid drugs with water and let everyone believe that everything was going as Hunter planned. Seriously, I didn't want to get expelled for using drugs! That's just stupid…"

I almost lost my self-control and burst out laughing; who knew they were smart? I allowed a smug smile to cross my face, "Well, if you can prove that and also prove why t_hey _should be eliminated, then there's a chance."

"That's why we need you, Sebastian, you're better at this whole scheming thing than the rest of us combined." From the respectful look on Nick's face, I figured I wasn't dreaming that he had just complimented me for being manipulative. Still, I had to feign being offended, so I chucked my phone at him, just barely missing his head.

Since I had turned my phone on silent before Hunter walked in, I didn't hear it go off when Nick picked it up to chuck it back at me. "Who's Lucy?" He was staring confusedly at the screen.

"My sister." The words were out of my mouth before I even thought about what could happen.

"You have a sister?" Jeff looked incredulous, like the thought of my having siblings had never passed through his brain.

"Multiple, yes." I stretched out my hand to Nick but he just laughed and pulled the phone farther away.

"She seems nice; think she could come visit?"

"Give me my phone, Nick." When he finally tossed my phone back, I misjudged the distance and ended up missing it by an inch. I hadn't noticed how fuzzy my vision was until I missed a catch that I completely should have had.

Thankfully, neither of them seemed to notice my frustration at suddenly not having clear vision, and instead were too busy laughing over the fact that I had siblings who had to put up with me. _I might have siblings, you nimrods, but that doesn't mean I talk to them. _But Lucy, she wasn't a normal sibling, in fact, I couldn't even remember when the first time I had started calling her my sister was. I knew why I had done it though, she had felt more like family than my real family, so I wanted her to have the title since it meant something to me.

There were times when I felt bad for ignoring her, after all, she had lost somebody too, but I didn't want to think about those days, I just wanted to be able to move on with my life and forget all of that. Maybe I didn't want to forget I had a brother, but I certainly wanted to forget that his ex had killed him because of jealously since he had moved on and was dating Lucy instead. _There are just some memories that should be left to die. _I thought with a grimace as I pulled myself up off the floor and followed Nick and Jeff down the hallway.

"So, captain," Nick grinned broadly and I groaned when I thought of all the captain jokes I was going to be hearing for the next few months, "are we allowed to deliver the news of our impending victory personally to _those people we don't talk about_?"

"Let's deal with that when we find a way around the rules. But yes, I think it deserves a personal visit."

**I hope you liked this chapter; even if you didn't, if you could please add a review just so I know whether or not I should continue with this story, that would be wonderful. Thanks again!**


	6. Chapter Five

**To everyone who bothers to read this story: thank you so much and I am so terribly sorry for the extended length of time it took for me to update. **

**Warnings are an important aspect of this site, so I will warn you now, from this point on into the story, there will be a lot of darker themes. Without giving some of the story away, I just want to say that these themes will include: depression, suicide, attempted suicide, mentions of rape, mentions of murder, and self-harm. This being my first fan fiction published on this site, if, when you read the future chapters, believe I need to change my rating to M, please let me know as I am still not fully comfortable with the rating scale. **

**Thanks again!**

_ Ever since eighth grade, my favorite time of the day was after official school time was over and show choir practice could begin. Normally, only high school students were allowed to participate, but if our coach Mr. Agen thought you were good enough then exceptions could be made. In the entire long history of the school, there was about one exception every two years. However, since I got here seven years ago, eight had already been made and six of those had been in the same year. Apparently, the junior class had an exceptional amount of talent, which was not unusual, it was just odd that we were all recognized since there were over six hundred students at the school and each and every one of them showed insane talent. _

_ My eighth grade year in show choir included me mostly sitting in the house with the five other young students watching the professionals at work. Only when there was an injury were any of us allowed to participate. Even though we had gotten in and couldn't be an integral part of the team, it was such a large honor to even be allowed to sit in on practices that I don't think any of us really minded. After all, we had just been promoted from middle-school show choir where most people were completely lost, to the undisputed greatest show choir in all of France an entire year early!_

_ Daniel really had everything going right for him though. Remember when I told you that he's better than me at everything and, even if I start out better than him, he quickly surpasses me? Yeah, that happened here too. The kid is a prodigy, that's certain. He's never had any trouble finding his way around the piano and has proven that time and time again by learning by ear or simply glancing at a piece of sheet music once before playing it masterfully. There is no doubt in my mind that his piano skills were a large reason for why he was allowed to sit in on and even participate in our school's great show choir starting in seventh grade._

_ Not to mention the fact that every time he opens his mouth to sing, it's literally breathtaking; since he was still a kid, he was able to hit those insanely high notes and not even strain his voice, in fact, I bet he could still do that if he wanted to, I guess it just goes along with his piano talent. Thankfully for my pride, I remained the better dancer for quite some time before I started teaching him. _

I had arrived early to practice since my last class had let out early due to Mrs. Agen, our show choir coach's wife, complaining of cramps and telling us all to get out of the room. Michaela figured Mrs. Agen had to be pregnant. Again. Since we had arrived at boarding school, I swear she had gotten pregnant every single year. Okay, maybe that is an exaggeration, but they did have four children all under the age of six. She was a great teacher though and always worked through being pregnant, not to mention letting us out early a lot of the time, so everyone was okay with giving her some time off after she delivered and then allowing her to come right back when she was ready and able.

"God, Kyle, why do you always get the pregnant teacher? It's not fair for you to get out thirty minutes before everyone else!" I smiled as Jason took the auditorium-styled seat next to mine. It was true, five of the years I had been here, I had taken classes where my teacher got pregnant halfway through the first semester and proceeded to be more lenient the rest of the year.

"It must just be because they know I work harder than all of you slackers and so they give me a break."

"Either that or they can't stand looking at your face for another second so they send you away." I hadn't noticed Xavier behind me but it wasn't surprising; we often sat in the same seats even though we had a half-sized auditorium house section to sit in.

"You're one to talk; didn't Mr. Evrard give you a _C_ once because he didn't like how tired you looked?" It was always comical to me when teachers gave out lower grades in an effort to teach students better time management.

Xavier shrugged; a dimple appeared in his left cheek when he half-smiled and his blue eyes lit up at that humorous event. That was one of the best things about Xavier, he was so easy-going that you could joke to him about anything and he would always respond kindly; I dreaded to see what would happen if he ever became angry, it was mainly the nice people who tended to turn freakishly dangerous if someone they cared about was hurt.

"You have received a _C _on an assignment? Were you attempting to fail?" Humor flooded through me as I heard the incredulous tone Daniel was using. _He's so small, he better have a growth spurt sometime soon…_As I took in my brother's small 5'2, thin frame, I noticed with a shock that he looked even sicker than usual. His normally smiling, bright face looked like it belonged to a stranger today; his face was pale and a deep set frown was clear on his uncommonly flat cheeks.

Xavier must have noticed as well because his cheery voice faltered when he finally responded, "Nah, the teachers all just try to be mean, personally, I think they're just jealous at how better looking I am."

I couldn't even bring myself to laugh at Xavier's joke; all I could keep thinking was what in the world was wrong with my brother? "Are you feeling alright, Daniel?"

He nodded shakily and glanced nervously at Jason, "I'm fine; just a little tired."

The truth hit me then, he was playing lead piano today during practice, "Look, you don't need to be nervous, you're amazing at what you do and everybody knows it." I reached forward and grasped his cold hands in mine, pulling him closer so he wasn't standing so far away and made him look me in the eye, "Seriously, you're going to be great."

"Of course you're going to be absolutely splendid, Daniel, but sleeping does normally help keep down nerves." Michaela appeared behind Daniel with Zach's arm looped through hers.

"No." There was an odd emotion springing to life in his eyes, "I'm fine, I'm just-I'm going to go sit down." Daniel retched his hands free from my grasp and hurried away where he sunk down into a seat near the back of the practice room.

"Poor kid, I've never seen him get so nervous before." I had to agree with Jason, although, I almost always did; some habits just don't die when you grow up with someone. "Is there anything you think we can do to help?" Warmth flooded my brain and I wanted to get up then and there and start yelling at Xavier and Michaela. _How can they possibly be looking at him like he's a monster? He's never done anything remotely mean to any of you and yet you're constantly glaring at him and thinking I'm not noticing. _

Zach's arm was still connected with Michaela's and he looked calm, at least he understood how great of a brother he had. "I should probably go make sure Daniel's okay," Michaela let go of his arm and gave him a sympathetic smile, something she hardly ever did. She then proceeded to glare daggers at Jason.

"Hey, Kyle, what's up with your brother?" Jonathon strode up to the front row where most of us were gathered. His blonde hair had grown longer in the past year and now fell in barely curled tufts near his ears. The bright smile on his face faltered when his eyes rested on Jason, "Oh…Guess you're feeling better now?"

Jason nodded, "Yes, thankfully. I'm officially off bed rest and that blasted flu is completely gone." He turned his head in my direction and smiled lightly, the movement caused a third of his light brown hair to fall into his deep brown eyes and I couldn't help but notice how much better he looked when he wasn't sick. "I'm just glad I didn't get Kyle sick."

"Yeah, we wouldn't want that…" Jonathon muttered under his breath.

"What is that supposed-" My outburst was cut short by Lucy coming up behind me and lightly touching my shoulder.

"Kyle, can I talk to you outside please?" As her soft, gentle voice fluttered around in my head, I absentmindedly wondered if there was anything I wouldn't do for her. _Hey, get rid of those thoughts, you moron. _I nodded and followed her silently out of the room. On the way past, I glanced over at Daniel and Zach who seemed to be having a contest to see which one of them could look more miserable.

Other than my brother's random bouts of sickness, I had a great life. I had a bunch of friends who were always incredibly supportive and encouraging, I was attending a fantastic school where I was training to become whatever I wanted, and I probably had the most sensitive, caring boyfriend ever. **_Hey, come on, don't give me that look, I already told you guys I dated my best friend. Who did you think I meant?_**

Lucy led me outside the doors and into the lobby that served as a common room to relax in between classes and a hallway to get to those classes. Seeing hardly anyone around, she made me sit down on the edge of one of the couches while she stood in front of me, hands clasped tight in front of her, a concentrated look on her face as she bit her bottom lip. "Look," she finally began, "I know this might be hard for you to grasp, but I think you really need to have an honest conversation with your brother."

"What are you talking about, Lucy? I always have honest conversations with him." _What is she trying to say, that I don't care about him? _

She sighed and knelt in front of me, "I know you do, but those conversations, they're more like small talk than in depth conversations. That's what I mean, have one of those heart-to-heart talks with him. Surely you've realized how sick and distant he looks?"

"That's because he's always gotten sick more often than most people, plus, he just hasn't been getting much sleep lately," I protested. There was no reason for there to be any other problems, so why was she trying to make such a huge deal out of nothing?

"It's clear something is bothering him, Kyle, and I think…" Lucy paused, tension crossing her face as she debated what to say, "I think you need to know that-"

"Guys!" Xavier ran up to the two of us, "There you are!" He was panting which I found humorous after the rigorous dance routines we covered every day, "Mr. Agen is sick so we get the day off; turns out Kyle isn't the only one with a bit of luck." His normal lopsided grin looked forced and it was obvious why. Show choir practice was the one thing all of us looked forward to every single day after school, without it, it was far too easy to waste time and get caught up doing other things. Besides, we had our first national meet in two weeks and we had a ton of work to still do in order to ensure we won for the eighth year in a row.

"We still need to practice; Xavier, can you make sure everyone stays in the practice theater?" Lucy stood and folded her arms across her chest, "We cannot let another practice be wasted merely because Mr. Agen is ill."

Xavier nodded slowly, "Yeah, that's true, but most people already left so that means I'd have to track them down and…well, that sounds like a lot of work…"

Playfully, but somehow still looking deadly serious, Lucy smacked Xavier on his shoulder, "Well you better start on rounding them up again, shouldn't you?"

He didn't move, "Probably, but-" almost unnoticeably he gestured back toward the room, "like I said, _pretty much_ everyone left." I felt as if the two of them were speaking in code, none of their sentences were making sense beyond why we needed more practice time.

Lucy's eyes widened and this time she hit Xavier for real, "Who's in there?" She took a few steps forward before Xavier grabbed her arm and vigorously shook his head.

"Michaela's in there; they're fine, Lu." _Is that fear? I don't understand what's going on here, they shouldn't be afraid of anything, yet they look like the world is about to fall apart if they aren't careful. _

"Are you certain?" _More fear and an insane amount of concern. _

_I can't take this anymore, clearly there's something going on that no one wants me to know about, but, practically being in charge of this team, I deserve to know. _Before either Xavier or Lucy could stop me, I stood up and briskly walked into the now almost empty practice room, determined to find out the truth everyone was hiding.

**_Now that I think about it after the shock has passed, I wonder how I was ever so clueless to not realize what was happening between people I cared about. How can someone be _**that **_blind? _**

"What the hell?" The words were out of my mouth before my brain had ever processed the scene; Michaela was yelling at Jason saying words I couldn't make out from this distance, Zach was standing a few feet away from the two of them trying to get them both to calm down, and Daniel was still sitting in his seat looking miserable. _They're never going to stop screaming at him, are they? _It didn't make sense to me; we all used to get along until three months ago when everyone had suddenly turned on Jason with no real reason.

"Kyle, I'm sorry, I tried to tell you…" Distantly, I felt Lucy's hand resting near my elbow, but her words made no sense.

"Tell me what? That you all hate Jason? Yeah, I figured that one out for myself actually." I didn't plan to sound so mean, but I didn't like it when my friends fought for no reason and being the mediator between them all of the time was beginning to get frustrating.

Until he was right in front of me, I didn't realize that Daniel had finally moved out of his seat. "Are you happy now?" His eyes were red his voice was raspy as if he had been crying recently but I couldn't fathom why. He didn't give me a chance to respond before he walked out of the room followed by Xavier who gave me a sympathetic look on the way past.

Upon Daniel's exit, Michaela huffed and turned away from Jason just to meet my cold stare from across the room. "Kyle…" I couldn't hear her from where I was standing, but her face shown with something akin to guilt.

But she wasn't who I was staring at; fear and false confidence battled their way across Jason's face as he fought to control his racing emotions. Before anyone could say another word, I turned and walked calmly out of the room. _There's something I'm missing, but don't worry, if you won't tell me, then I'll just have to figure it out for myself. _


	7. Chapter Six

**Okay, so I would really appriciate opinions on this section. Also, any ideas on how I possibly should move forward with this arch of the story are very much welcome; I have minor ideas, but I'm not positive how wonderfully they would work. **

It turned out that, for the first time I could remember, Nick and Jeff had been correct about something important: Hunter had finally gotten expelled and I had not been forced to do anything further to cause his downfall.

Once again, Dalton was back to the way it should be. Now all we needed to do was figure out a strategy for getting us back in to competition. Although it might have been easier if we had told all of the Warblers what the plan was, I did not want to run the risk of being exposed from the inside again.

Which led me to my first official act as soon as I again became captain.

Ever since I had once again accepted the title last week, I had tried to balance allowing fellow members some say in less important matters such as whether they could get out of practice ten minutes early. I knew I had actions to make up for from last year, but most of them seemed pretty alright with the idea of me being in charge again and usurping Hunter since it was no secret how disliked he had been. I could not tell them yet how much they needed to practice since we were still out of competition at the moment and none of them had the hope and the plan for getting us back in. _If it had not been for those addlebrained judges last year, we would have won regionals easily. _I was determined to make sure our revenge was complete and tasted nothing but sweet.

At the moment, it was challenging to get their childlike brains to focus on anything longer than a few moments since they felt their loss gave them permission to laze around. That was certainly going to change.

I nodded to Nick who promptly yelled for everyone to "shut the hell up". It had been clear to me that Jeff and Nick would want some form of compensation for bringing the news of both Hunter's demise and our possible comeback to my attention and I figured it could not hurt to give them some small amount of power since the three of us were the only ones motivated to change things around.

Once everyone was looking my way – even though most of them looked bored and no doubt wondered why they were still there – I clasped my hands in front of me and forced myself to look far more confident than I had ever felt. "As you are all aware, the scandal at Sectionals was disastrous." I had decided that, even though I knew none of them had really shot up, there was no reason that I could not play on their emotions since most of them still believed they were guilty. _Thank goodness none of them have the righteous morals to confess to something they only believed they did. _

At my withering stare, heads bent down around the room as the majority of them tried to avoid my gaze. However, there was one person who didn't look away and he was the object with which I would begin my known revenge. "The question you should all be asking yourself is not why you would do such a thing, even though it did cost us Sectionals, no, the question you should be asking is how anyone found out." I made certain to only briefly glance at the traitor before I spread my gaze over the rest of the Warblers who were still avoiding me.

When I brought up the question of how we were found out, a few hesitant heads starting peeking up and one boy – I really needed to learn all of their names – raised his hand uncertainly. "So ah, ho-how did they find out?"

Inwardly I smiled, but outwardly I knew I had to keep up my façade of confidence, for if it slipped even once, we might all be facing grave consequences. "Truly it is a simple answer," I made myself pause as whispers starting floating through the room filled with differing ways the headmaster could have been informed, "we have a traitor in our midst." Truthfully, I had always wanted to say that phrase, there was just something about power and cold authority being able to cause division so quickly that appealed to me.

The former whispers turned into shouts of outrage and anger. A few of the older Warblers appeared uncertain, no doubt wondering if this was part of a devious plan. In fact it was, but there was no reason for them to be aware of that fact quite yet. At this moment, it was more crucial for me to calmly deal with this traitor and start us off on the correct track. At my second nod, Nick again yelled for everyone to be quiet. Surprisingly, it actually worked. "Now I know this is shocking news to all of you but it is the only logical conclusion."

I was pleased to note how angry most of them were; moving away from my spot near the window, I walked closer to the middle of the room. "Our competition could have had no way of proving their accusations if they had not received inside help from one of our own. Sadly, that is the hard truth." Last year I had learned the lesson of being careful how I phrased speaking about the McKinley show choir since most of the older Warblers still had trouble differentiating between the cowardly, pathetic group that pretended to be talented, and Blaine, who had betrayed all of his friends here in a different manner.

In the end, I had decided it was best to refer to them as competition since everyone needed to be reminded that they were not on our side, and none of the Warblers took kindly to my constant insults so I kept them to myself for the most part.

"Who's the traitor?" A voice in the back demanded. _Oh the irony. _I thought as I found the source of the voice: Trent. _Are you ready to be crucified, kid? _

Successfully pulling off fake concern, I shook my head and glanced warily from one person to the next, "The "who" is not important, we do not need to become even more divided."

A few of the boys nodded and I heard a murmured, "Wise choice" before the sound of angry and hurt teenage guys drowned out any affirmative comments.

Phrases like, "We deserve to know!" and "This can't go unpunished!" filled the room and I absently wondered how long it would be until a teacher showed up find out what was going on.

"Guys!" Jeff yelled over the din causing quite a few of them to stop speaking out of shock since Jeff never spoke loudly or harshly to anyone. "Sebastian's right, we can't dwell on this right now, we have more important matters to deal with."

I nodded and tried to look serious; this was going exactly like I wanted it to. "Like what? We're out of Sectionals so we should get rid of the moron who cost us Nationals!" _Nick is really getting in to his role…I'll deal with his enthusiasm later if this doesn't work. _A resounding "Yeah!" and "What he said!" raised the volume level again.

"Alright," I put my hands up and sighed, _If they want blood, then I'll give them blood, _"now, I figure that the person who did this must have had a good reason, so I think we should give him a chance to explain himself before we do anything drastic." The key to manipulating people was making certain everyone involved was content. The noise quieted down and there were nods from everyone.

No one stepped forward to confess, not that I was expecting him to, not with the call for his blood that he had just heard. A few tense moments passed while I stared each one of them down, pretending I was attempting to get someone to crack. No doubt they all believed it was someone new or someone who cared nothing for winning. I would have to do this wisely if I wanted to convince them of the truth. "Look, maybe your bloodlust attitudes are too much, I'm sure none of you would confess if there were people you thought were friends getting ready to rip your head off."

"We promise to hear you out and to try to understand why you would do this," Jeff added.

"And we're not really into the whole ripping off heads business so you don't have to worry about that, just how much your friends might hate you." I shot a quick glare in Nick's direction, he was supposed to be helping, not making matters worse.

I had been careful to avoid glancing Trent's way whenever I could, but curiosity got the better of me. _He's considering it, _I noted as I saw his face contorted in thought as he caught my gaze. "I doubt any of you would really get it so I'll just leave now, I know that's what you want." His last statement was clearly directed towards me and I couldn't help but smile slightly; he knew I always got what I wanted in the end.

A collective gasp went up through the room as every head turned to stare at Trent as he picked up his bag and headed toward the exit. No one said anything as he left but I noticed most of the anger had left the room.

_One mission down, now to get us back into competition. _

**Once again, if you've made it this far, you're seriously awesome. :)**

**I'll try to update again soon, but I won't make any promises just in case. **


	8. Chapter Seven

**Now, I know I warned you guys recently that this story was about to take a darker turn, but I feel the need to warn you again. While the themes in this chapter are mostly just referenced and I believe that's how I'll do it most times, there may be partial brief scenes later on that go more in depth. **

**And with that slightly unnerving into, I hope you enjoy this next chapter!**

**_ Have you ever stopped to think just how screwed up your life really is? The idea that my life wasn't perfect had never bothered me until Junior year since I figured everyone's lives were perfectly messed up, but there are some things that just fall under worse categories. At least that's what I perceived everyone's sympathetic looks and continuous loyalty throughout every new situation as. _**

**_ Maybe it's true that some people go through worse things than others, or maybe it's true that there shouldn't be levels of "worse" and everyone has awful lives. Either way you look at it though, it seems pretty pessimistic. That's where I was at that point in my life, I was too shocked and confused how the one person I trusted most in the world could do something so terrible; I still haven't completely forgiven myself or him, although I know I need to learn to forgive and let go so we can all move on with our lives. _**

**_ It's just so difficult to forgive someone who's hurt you in the worst possible way._**

****"Kyle! Kyle, just stop!" My left arm was grabbed sharply and I felt a joint in my shoulder pop as I whirled around, my fist clenched as I prepared to hit him again. "Just listen to me, please." Under any other circumstance, there was no way I would be able to gaze into his soft, brown eyes and still be angry, but this was no normal circumstance.

As roughly as I could manage without harming myself, I retched my arm free from his grasp and took a few steps backwards. "No, there's nothing to listen to; I know what you did." Desperately, I tried to hold back the flood of tears threatening to pour down my face; I needed to be strong, but I couldn't get that image out of my head. "I know what you did," I repeated as I continued backing away, "and I'm going to report you to the headmaster."

Before I could react, he had closed the distance between us and had one arm wrapped tightly around my waist. "I can't be certain what you think you saw, but I assure you, it's not true." His breath was warm against my neck, and even when I felt his lips grazing my jawbone I knew I needed to run, "I would never do anything to hurt you."

Grunting from the exertion, I shoved him away, "If that were true, you never would have-" I couldn't bring myself to say the words; everything that had happened was partially my fault. I spun away from him and ran as fast as I could in the opposite direction.

By the time I reached Xavier's room seven minutes later, I was panting uncontrollably and straining to get some measure of control over my racing emotions. It took me two full minutes of banging as loudly as I dared to without waking students in neighboring dorms for him to hear me and open the door. "Kyle?" He rubbed his eyes and blinked a few times to chase his sleep away, "What are you doing here? It's two in the morning."

Ignoring his sleep-deprived self, I shoved past him into the room beyond. Noticing my strange behavior, he quickly shook Charles, his roommate, awake and asked him to leave. Without even sending a questioning glance my way, he nodded and hurried out of the room. _That's one considerate roommate. _Other than his being born and raised in some small city in England, I didn't know much about Charles but I always thought he was a nice guy.

"Okay," Xavier turned around to face me after I had hesitantly taken a seat on the edge of his bed, "what's so important that you're banging down my door at this hour in the morning?"

Anger boiled up inside of me as I remembered why I was there, "I found out." The words came out softer than my emotions felt rolling around inside of me were, "Why didn't you tell me?" Deserting my seat on the bed, I stood up and pointed accusingly at Xavier, "You bastard! You knew and you didn't say anything!" Angrily pacing the room, I finally allowed my emotions release, "What kind of a friend are you! All I ever asked from any of you was that you would be truthful with me; what do you call this?" I waved my arms frantically in the air as I feebly tried to force myself to breathe, "It only makes it worse that I found out like this…someone should have told me!" Dimly, I knew I shouldn't be yelling since it might wake students who would then inform security that there was a fight going on and then I would get in trouble for being out of my down so late at night.

Throughout my entire tangent, Xavier just leaned against the bedpost on Charles' bed and started calmly at me. "I know you feel guilty, like this is all somehow your fault, and maybe part of it is, but it won't help to beat yourself up over things you couldn't prevent."

"'Couldn't prevent'? If I had known, there would have been no way I would _ever_ have let him near-"

"Do you really think you could have changed anything by knowing?" Xavier interrupted as he pushed himself away from the bed, "You just might have made it shorter, but it still would have happened. Besides," I couldn't believe how calm his voice was when I was inwardly exploding, "Lucy wanted to tell you and she kept trying to bring it up but you didn't want to hear what she had to say." Putting his hands on my shoulders, he forced me to stop pacing, "You should have been able to see what was going on, but you were too blind, and that's why we couldn't tell you, because you refused to see the truth staring you right in the face."

It's insane how quickly adrenaline can change emotions in stressful situations; suddenly feeling overwhelmed with guilt and sadness, I allowed myself to cry when Xavier put his arms around me to keep me steady. _It's just not fair. What did he ever do to deserve being hurt like that? …How could he do that to me? _"Why would anyone want to hurt him?" My voice was hoarse from crying so it was a miracle Xavier even understood what I was saying.

"Because he's vulnerable," Xavier stated after a few moments of consideration, "he's the perfectly innocent, naive type of person that's easiest to manipulate." Shocked, I pulled myself out of his embrace and turned away; Daniel wasn't stupid, he wouldn't let himself be taken advantage of. "Look, I'm not trying to say anything against your brother, you know we all love him too, but," Xavier gestured around his room, "compared to most of us here, he really is very innocent." Sighing deeply, he suck down onto Charles' bed, "Seriously, Kyle, Daniel is unique; other than Lucy, who here do you know that hasn't taken advantage of not having parents around and instead does exactly what they're supposed to?"

_I-I suppose he has a point…_"But why wouldn't he tell me? Maybe I could have helped…" _Probably not but I'd like to believe I could be a better brother. _

Xavier shrugged, "I'm not sure; Lucy only found out because she overheard a conversation between Daniel and Zach, and the rest of us found out because Lucy said something and we all agreed something seemed off so we kept our eyes open. What I do know," his voice grew calmer as he noticed my downcast face, "is that both of them were very much relieved to find out someone knew. Of course, Daniel wasn't happy at first and he kept saying we were all going to get into trouble," _Why would you get into trouble for doing the right thing? _"so that's when we figured that Jason must have been threatening him so he would stay quiet."

_This doesn't make any sense; when someone threatens you, you tell someone so they can help! _"Then why didn't Zach say anything? Surely there's no way Jason could have successfully threatened him too?" Even I heard the desperation in my voice.

For the first time since I arrived at his room, Xavier appeared unsettled, "…Daniel wasn't the only one getting hurt, Kyle."

_Now that's just absurd, there is no way Jason would ever hurt his brother! …Why not though? He hurt me even though he claimed to love me so why wouldn't he hurt his brother? _Bile climbed its way up my esophagus, "This is sick…"

Xavier nodded but allowed the silence to linger for a few minutes. "So…" he finally began again when neither of us could stand the silence for another second, "how did you find out exactly?"

I gulped: this was the one thing I didn't want to talk about. "Well…I knew Daniel wasn't feeling well earlier so I had bought some over-the-counter sleeping medicine that mom said might help him sleep, but I forgot to give it to him. I remembered," For some reason I decided to check my watch, "about thirty minutes ago and snuck out of my dorm room to go give it to him since tomorrow's Saturday and he can sleep in." I paused and sucked in air to keep myself going, "You know I have the extra key to their dorm room?" Xavier nodded, "When I got there, I realized I couldn't find it even though I keep it in my wallet at all times; I started to panic, wondering where I could possibly have left it when Zach opened the door."

I didn't want to go on but I knew I needed to. "That's when I realized what was going on."

Xavier didn't appear shocked that I simplified the version of what I saw but apparently he was determined to solidify the scene into my head. "That's when you saw Jason."

I nodded wearily, "Xavier," I couldn't keep strength in my voice any longer, the effort cost too much, "Daniel-he looked so scared. How could this happen?" Tears were falling down my face in steams again, although I was unsure if they had ever truly stopped. "How could he…?" I couldn't say it, the words were too awful.

Xavier slid onto the bed beside me and gently placed his hand on my arm, "I don't know why these things happen, Kyle, but I do know it's going to stop _tonight _and that we're all going to make sure that the two of them are completely safe."

Still sobbing, I leaned my head on his shoulder, "Do you think Charles would mind if I stayed as your roommate from now on?"

"Nah," his voice was soft and I found myself falling asleep as the driving emotions that had kept me awake began to wear off, "I'm sure he'd understand."

**As always, reviews are appreciated even though I know I'm still slowly introducing the plot; I do apologize for how long it's taking me to get to the main portion. **

**Hopefully, the plot will become more in-depth starting next chapter when we go back to the Warblers. **

**Have a wonderful weekend and I'll try to update again soon!**


	9. Chapter Eight

**Sorry for the delayed time in posting this next chapter, guys, the last few days have been pretty crazy. **

**So there's nothing I need to warn you about in this chapter since I'm just moving the actual "Glee" part of the story along. **

**Enjoy!**

Apparently my room had become the new meeting space for discussing devious plans to best enact revenge since both Jeff and Nick were once again sitting lazily on my bed, looking at me like I was an idiot for pacing around the room when I could be sitting uncomfortably against the wall. I was determined to keep up my guard this time, however, since the two of them had been even more infuriating lately, both of them thinking they had the moral responsibility to make certain I was healthy since they had realized I had recently gained a minor problem with my eyesight. Nick had even been brazen enough to suggest I order contacts since he understood there would never be a lifetime where I would be caught in glasses making me look like a dork.

What I purposely neglected to tell them was that I had worn glasses every now and then when I was younger but had eventually decided they were doing nothing to help my vision improve. Between the captain jokes Nick made every five minutes and finding out I used to wear glasses, I would never get a moment's rest.

"Any more ideas on how we can win?" Half of Nick's statement was completely intelligible after he determined it was alright to yawn while speaking. Seriously, did no one have social manners any longer? _Ironic, coming from me_, I mused. Against most people's beliefs, I did know how people were meant to act in public, I merely chose to exercise my free will and act fully opposite from what many people deemed acceptable. I hated people thinking I was predictable.

"Couldn't we just point out that not all of us were on drugs and they lied to make themselves look better?"

I shook my head for the umpteenth time. "We've been over this, Jeff, we need a real reason why they shouldn't be allowed up on stage." Reaching my desk, I spun on my heel and continued pacing, which clearly annoyed Nick to no end since he kept glaring at me like I was making him nauseous just by watching. "They need to be framed for something worse than steroids…" I murmured to myself, "Something that makes us look like saints when the board realizes only one person used the drugs."

"Can't we just turn it around on them and say they used drugs too?" At times, I seriously wondered just how stupid Nick was and how the two of them had ever figured out to switch the steroid injections with water.

"I doubt anyone would believe they used drugs, especially since that one girl passed out on stage; drugs wouldn't make you pass out like that, not the kind of drugs we're talking about anyway." I sighed; for once, I was not the lone individual in the room who made sense.

I nodded in response to Jeff's statement, "Even without the fainting spell they didn't perform well enough for anyone to believe drugs were involved." _There is absolutely no way this is ever going to happen…We're doomed and there isn't anything we can do about any of it. _I had the sudden urge to kick something but was too worried about the repercussions; I didn't need to give anyone another reason to worry about my mental state. "Who sings songs in Korean anyway?" I mumbled, "Were they even singing the right words or were they just enjoying cussing everyone out while no one realized?"

Nick jumped up in excitement causing Jeff to fall over in surprise at the sudden life in the room, "That's how we beat them!" At my confused expression he continued talking in a rush, "We prove that what they were singing was offensive and they get disqualified for inappropriate conduct."

Jeff seemed speculative, "Is there even a rule that you can get disqualified for doing something inappropriate? 'Cause, if so, how have we never been disqualified before?"

Nick shook his head sharply, "Not that kind of inappropriate; offensive stuff, like racism or killing puppies in front of children."

_Puppies? What? Has he finally gone off the deep end? _"Enlighten me on how killing puppies in front of children qualifies as inappropriate." Unwillingly, a smile was forming on my lips at the random change of moods; both of them seemed to realize my smile was real amusement so I quickly made my face emotionless instead. Emotionless had become far too easy lately.

Before Nick had the chance to respond with some revelation as to why killing puppies was offensive, Jeff spoke up again, "But how do we prove what they were singing was bad? Or what if they actually were singing the right lyrics? Wouldn't that just make us look even worse?"

_And this is precisely why the two of you came to me with this idea, _"It doesn't matter if they really did sing the right lines or not, lyrics can easily be changed in playback. After a tiny seed of doubt has become planted in any of those board members minds, we're guaranteed to win."

"But wait, I thought you promised not to do anything bad this year?" Nick spoke up softly, fully knowing that bringing up Blaine now could send me over the edge.

I forced a careless smile onto my face while my insides twisted with the thought that I might just very well be breaking the only promise I had ever intended on keeping. "I didn't mention anything about twisting words to suit my purpose so I'm not truly breaking any promises. Besides, you said yourself, Nick, that the only way past this scandal Hunter forced us in was for me to be manipulative and deceptive, and I plan to be just that."

The sun shone brightly threw the clean windowpane and landed in a soft puddle of melted light on top of my textbook. Normally, the sudden glare on the page would bother me greatly but I had only set the textbook out for show anyway so that people would know not to disturb me at the moment. Besides, I appeared to be deep in thought while scribbling a few words down every now and then. Quite the opposite was true however, I couldn't keep my thoughts from jumping from getting back into competition, to guilt from skipping around my promise to Blaine, to keeping up my façade of being some horrible person, to worrying over whatever was wrong with my health.

Even more lately I had to keep repeating over and over again in my head how safe I was at Dalton but the concerns I had over my mental health quickly pushed half-hearted feelings of safety out of mind. True, there might be nothing terribly dangerous that I had to be careful of staying away from, but it was always better to be cautious and ere on the side of paranoia than to be under the illusion that nothing could faze me.

_Not even this is going to cause any problems, _I thought as a slow smile spread across at my face as I briefly glanced up at the two completely out of place misfits starting a ruckus in the once silent library. "Symthe!" Knowing the only purpose of my acknowledging their presence would be me admitting I actually cared they were there, I stared more intently at my textbook than I had in days. "What the hell is this?" Throwing a large stack of papers down on top of the textbook I had been pretending to read, the whiny Asian girl leaned forward on the table, no doubt in some feeble attempt to intimidate me.

Already knowing which papers she was referring to, I stole a quick glance at the large blocked words at the top that screamed "DISQUALIFIED" and I couldn't help but smile. "Well it would appear this is your disqualification letter." I stated obviously as I picked it up to better read the smaller print, "You might want to frame this letter, after all, it is the only thing you're going to be receiving this year," handing back the letter I turned my attention back to the textbook.

"No duh; this is so insanely pathetic. Couldn't you just get over the fact that we're the winners and you're-" Thankfully her screechy voice was cut off by a sudden yell of protest from the other side of the small study library. I groaned inwardly as soon as I saw Nick shoving his way through the small crowd of curious Dalton students that had formed a hesitant semicircle around my table.

"Move you morons, this is important!" _Seriously, when is he going to learn to shut up and leave the talking to me? _As soon as Nick was in range for him to see my face clearly I shot him a glare which almost made him back off. Of course the idiot couldn't take a hint. "Is there a problem?" _What the hell? _I few syllables of a choice cuss word were out of my mouth before I remembered I needed to hold my ground and act innocent. However, Nick was making that incredibly difficult by his insistence on crossing his arms and standing between me and the tiny Asian.

"I'll say there is! This is complete-" The Asian was silenced once again.

"I thought you said you were being a better member of society this year," _Crap. Now I just feel guilty; thanks a lot, Blaine. But wait, I didn't really do anything wrong, I just…helped facilitate action since none of these morons could have thought of this even if they combined their brains. _All of my mental rational still could not keep me from flinching slightly at the disappointment in Blaine's voice, no matter how much I acted like his opinion didn't bother me. "I can see now that I was wrong to ever trust you might really change."

_Don't buy this, he's just trying to bait you so that you'll back off and lose Regionals. _Covering up by inner turmoil on handling the situation with a carefree smirk, I forced myself to continue staring at the textbook and look busy. "Maybe you don't remember our little conversation before Sectionals as well as you believe. If you had, you would remember that I never said I wouldn't take revenge if it was offered on a silver platter." Prying my eyes away from the book, I made myself look up, "Besides, the lot of you would have been destroyed at Regionals, so technically, we're doing you a favor."

That was the last straw, I knew I had won.

"Yeah, we figured you would say something like that. Which is why," Blaine handed me another letter, "Mr. Shue already spoke to the headmaster and they both agreed we all do some…bonding activities." He pointed at the date in the upper right hand corner of the paper, "Make sure you're all at McKinley that day." And with that, they both proceeded to shove their way through the crowd of awed onlookers while I stared silently at the letter in my hand.

Nick crossed to my side of the table and peered over my shoulder, "Wait a second, they want us to get together and sing?" For once, he spoke the exact words I was thinking, "That's just a lame attempt to get us to decline the invitation to Regionals."

"Where do we have to go for these "bonding activities"?" I jumped slightly in my seat as I spun around to the left to find Jeff standing there, a confused expression of his face at my reaction.

I was still too disoriented to answer so Nick read over my shoulder again, "The best place on earth: public school."

**Okay, so I hope that was not too painful; I do apologize if I mess up on portraying any characters correctly and any insights or tips would be much appreciated. **

**The next chapter will have a few warnings attached to it, just a warning. :)**


	10. Chapter Nine

**First of all, I'm sorry that this chapter is so short. Secondly, no real warnings for this chapter except for brief mentions of rape. **

Against Xavier's wishes that I should inform all of my teachers that I was sick so I could take the day off to rest, I was up by 5:30 and standing outside the cafeteria by 5:55. All in all, I think I had gotten two full hours of sleep last night but I refused to feel the weight on my physical health. All morning I had turned my brain off in order to not become an emotional mess in front of everyone; the events of last night were something that I preferred to keep silent for as long as possible.

Most people would agree that getting up half an hour early and standing in front of the cafeteria waiting would not be the normal way to spend a Friday morning but I was beyond caring what other people thought. "You're here awfully early today." Lucy slid down to the floor and sat next to me, as always, being careful to keep her skirt covering her knees. "Everything okay?" As the question left her mouth, I leaned my head back against the wall and closed my eyes. _I guess Xavier didn't send out a mass text like I assumed. _

"Yeah, you know just the regular stuff like finding out your boyfriend is apparently forcing your brother to have sex and then having to break up with said boyfriend for quite obvious reasons." Even I was shocked at how easily I said the words. But Lucy didn't seem surprised, just sad. "What, did Xavier tell you I crashed in his room last night?"

She shook her head softly and glanced down at her hands folded in the light pink and purple floral-patterned material of her skirt before allowing her eyes to meet mine. "No, I have not heard anything from him but he had no reason to send out a text, I could tell something was wrong just by seeing you out here so early."

_I guess there is that…Most days I'm late since Jason refuses to get out of bed on time and is constantly complaining about how tired doing homework makes him- no, stop that. I'm _not _going to think about him except to think of some horrible ways he could die. But that sounds a bit too harsh, doesn't it? _"Kyle?" The light touch of Lucy's hand on my arm immediately brought me out of my thoughts. "I know what he did hurt you," _That's the understatement of the century, _I thought, "but I really think you should go make sure Daniel's alright."

I looked up quickly and saw his tiny form sitting against the opposite wall as far away from me and Lucy as he could get. Hesitantly and completely uncertain of what I was supposed to say, I nodded and tried to look confident as I pushed myself up on shaky legs and began the long trek to where he was. The closer I got the more unsure of myself I became; it was like waking up one morning to realize you were living on a battlefield and the people you were supposed to protect had died without you noticing.

As always, he had ear buds in – we could only guess what he was listening to constantly since he never shared – and was tapping his pencil on the edge of his notebook to some rhythm only he could hear. In the past, whenever I had surprised him by interrupting whatever he was working on, I never paid attention to the fact that he always flinched and seemed pretty distant for the first few minutes of conversation. I had never thought anything of it before since he had always been more paranoid than most people and always seemed surprised by their presence. What was I supposed to do know though? _Would it be better to just stand here until he realizes I'm here on should I say something and hope he hears me over his music?_

Even a gentle tap on the shoulder was out of the question, there was no way I was going to do that to him now that I knew. Deciding speaking might be the safest choice, I cleared my throat quickly as I debated what to say. _Should I start by apologizing or will whatever I say just sound lame? _"Kyle, you're up early." Unexpected amounts of anger burned through my blood as I shifted my gaze up to Jason who was brazenly only standing a few feet from Daniel. Thankfully the good news was that whatever Daniel was doing was taking up his entire concentration and he had no knowledge of what was going on right in front of him.

"I could say the same for you. Finally managed to get out of bed one morning? Convenient." _What would have happened if I hadn't gotten up early today? Would Lucy have been able to do anything? _

He shrugged carelessly, "It's just not the same without you in it." I hated the triumphant look in his eye, it was like he believed there was still some way I would forgive him. Xavier or Jonathon might have been able to stop me but I doubted they would have lifted a finger since I knew they believed Jason deserved much worse than me punching him.

I'm not sure how he missed the fact that I would clearly still be angry from last night, but the amount of shock on his face was entertaining as he sat on the floor wiping blood off his chin. A soft whistle echoed through the almost empty hallway. "Nice punch, glad I was here to see it." Michaela stepped gingerly around Jason, who was still on the ground, and crossed over to where I was standing with her hand raised, no doubt wanting to give me a high five.

Ignoring her completely, I turned back towards the wall to find that Daniel was staring at me with a mixture of emotions fighting for the sole spot on his face. Without waiting for him to form a verbal response, I slung his backpack over my shoulder even as he was about to protest, pulled him up from the floor, and walked him over to where Lucy was still calmly waiting. If she had any thoughts on what had just happened, she didn't share them, for which I was grateful since the last thing I wanted to do was talk about anything.

I couldn't stand still so I resorted to pacing. Noting that Jason had gotten off of the floor at some point and was now out of sight, I tried pushing him to the back of my mind. It turned out to be a much more difficult matter than I realized since every time I glanced over at Daniel to make sure he was still okay, I had to think about Jason. I strongly wished there was something worse I could do than punch him but nothing came to mind.

"So, heard there was a fistfight." Jonathon and Xavier walked up from the opposite end of the hallway and I was relieved to see they had gotten my text to bring Zach with them.

"It was not much of a fight," Daniel spoke up from his spot on the wall next to Lucy, "it was one punch, I do not believe that qualifies as a fight." His words sounded normal but the way he was looking up at me was confusing. _Is he angry that I punched Jason? He shouldn't be…I was trying to protect him. Besides, it did feel pretty good. _

"Still, score one for Kyle," Jonathon smiled and clapped me on the shoulder.

"Technically, if we're keeping score, than none of you would be winning." Immediately, I realized what Daniel was talking about and was shocked that he actually brought it up even though other students were beginning to fill the hallways.

This w_as _going to end and if the only way to do that was for me to make Jason's life hell, then nothing was going to stand in my way. "Maybe that's true, but he won't be winning for much longer."

**I promise, guys, I have not given the entire plot away as I still have many more elements to add to the plot. **

**As always, thanks for reading and I'll hopefully have the next chapter up over the weekend!**


	11. Chapter Ten

**Sorry, guys, I guess that whole "next chapter will be up over the weekend" thing didn't really happen. **

**There isn't anything overly major to warn you about in this chapter, just slight references to rape but nothing descriptive. **

**Right now, this chapter is unique in that it might be the only one written from Jeff's point of view, so enjoy :)**

Not having stepped foot in a public school since the first day of second grade, the sight was still a surprise. Sure, I had heard people talk about the structure of their school: where the rooms were, how long their class periods were, how they interacted with other students, and even how the social system worked. There just seemed so much wrong with a social system in high school since it automatically made certain only a blessed few would succeed.

"You do realize you don't have to gape quite so openly every time we come here, right, Jeff?" A light smile appeared on my face at Nick's teasing but I knew I wasn't the only one to constantly be shocked at how plain and barbaric the public school building was. _I'm not really _that _stuck up, am I? _Going to a place like Dalton was all I had ever known, I couldn't imagine how these kids survived day after day in such a hostile environment. "You could stand to lighten up a little bit too, Captain." Nick's soft punch was enough to earn him one of Sebastian's famous death glares, but it could also have been the whole "captain" thing since Nick used every opportunity to make a joke.

Sure, pretending like we were having fun listening to rivals sing while we all sat around glaring at said rivals when Mr. Shue wasn't watching was not the best thing to ever happen, but I didn't understand why Sebastian seemed so put off about the whole idea. Nothing any of those public school kids were going to change our minds about going to Regionals, so there was nothing to worry about.

"Who wants to sing first today?" As usual, Mr. Shue seemed far too excited about teenagers baring their souls to one another, at least, I think that's what he was trying to get us all to do, but none of the Warblers were too thrilled with the idea and so had kept putting that "homework" off. Thankfully, we were allowed to be in the auditorium for these awkward singing sessions so we didn't all have to crowd into their tiny choir room. "No one?" He glanced sadly around, first at his students taking up the first few rows and then back at us who were sitting as close to the exit as we could.

Hesitantly, a brunette girl raised her hand when no one else responded, "I can go, Mr. Shue, if you want."

Clearly upset that none of the Warblers were participating, Mr. Shue tried to smile at the girl, "That's fine, Marley, you can go first today." _That's her name, I always forget…She seems nice enough, for a public school kid, so maybe I'll remember her name this time. Besides, she sure can sing. _Stepping off the stage dejectedly, he took a seat next to another one of his students.

Marley climbed the four black steps until she stood front and center, clasping her hands in front of her nervously, she then proceeded to shift her weight from foot to foot while waiting for her music to begin. "So, I just wanted to say that I'm dedicating this song to all of my friends, but most of all to Jake, my amazing boyfriend who's been there for me the entire time I've needed him."

"Like when she passed out at Sectionals?" Nick whispered in my ear. A couple of the Warblers who heard Nick's statement laughed rather loudly and I felt bad for the girl standing on stage who probably realized they were laughing at her.

"You shouldn't laugh at things like that, it's serious!" I hissed back at Nick; I couldn't believe he was being so insensitive, he knew what I had been through, yet he found it funny when other people hurt themselves.

My anger must have had the intended reaction because they all immediately cut off their laughing and looked down, ashamed. "You're right, Jeff, I'm sorry," a small chorus of apologies came from the row behind me but I was too focused on the strange look on Sebastian's face to pay attention. He had turned around when we started laughing and had looked like he was struggling over whether or not to glare at the lot of us to shut up or if he was going to join in. Now, he just looked bitter.

"Anyway," without making a comment about what was going on in the back few rows, Marley began speaking again, "this is a very special song to me so I hope you all enjoy." Still clearly nervous but trying her best to hide her fears, the music started slowly and Marley opened her mouth to begin singing the words to Selena Gomez's song "I Promise You". I had never really been a fan of her music personally, but the way Marley sung the song almost made me interested enough to look up the original.

The Warblers were silent as she sang, making me completely hear Sebastian's mumbled words, "You have got to be freaking kidding me. Of all the songs…" Looking around sneakily, I could see from their focused eyes that no one else had heard him speak. As the song went on, he started looking even paler and began bouncing his leg up and down with nervous energy. As far as I knew, he had no reason to be nervous, it was a nice song and it wasn't like he was planning on singing next.

Halfway through the song, I was beginning to think I was imagining that Sebastian looked uncharacteristically fearful. However, his abrupt exit pushed that thought right out of my head. Without planning to, I grabbed Nick's arm and pulled him off his seat and out the door; there was clearly something going on with Sebastian and, as his friends, (even though he would never be caught calling us that) it was our job to find out what was going on. Besides, I didn't like the look on his face when he left, it was the same look I knew I got when Nick was worried I was going to hurt myself again.

"Where are we going? We have to stay in there!" Nick pulled against my arm in order to free himself but I just held on tighter.

After another moment of him struggling to get free, I finally spun around; releasing his arm from my vice-like grip, I put my hands on his shoulders and stared him firmly in the eye, "Look, something's going on with Sebastian and I intend to find out what that is."

Immediately he calmed down, "Something's wrong with our captain? Dude, do you not remember the slushy incident or the fact that we basically just blackmailed our way into getting back into competition? Of course something's wrong with him, it's called being a sadistic jerk."

Shaking my head furiously, I backed off, hoping he'd be smart enough to follow me. "It's something more than that, Nick." I paused, trying to think of where he might have gone after leaving, "You didn't see the look on his face when that girl was singing. I think…I think he might hurt himself if we don't find him soon."

Nick stared at me like I had just lost my brain, "Whoa, we are talking about the same Sebastian here, right? 'Ya know, the one who loves himself far too much to ever do anything even remotely self-harming?"

Ignoring Nick, I turned back around and scanned the hallway, but there was no sign of him anywhere. Growing desperate, I ran down the hallway, hearing Nick's footsteps behind me made me feel slightly more confident that I wasn't about to confront a very different Sebastian by myself.

Different was too nice of a word to describe him. Angry, ticked, frustrated, hurt, or even insanely annoyed fit much better.

He was pacing between two rows of lockers speaking French so quickly not even my four years of the language could decipher a syllable he was saying. There was a wild look in his eye and he looked like he was just barely holding himself back from harshly punching a locker and probably breaking his hand. Nick drew a quick breath when he saw him, making me realize I hadn't been going crazy and that this was actually happening.

Gulping, I took a slow step towards him and tried to steady my breathing, "Seb, you okay?"

His head snapped up at my voice and he stared at me for a moment before his glazed eyes seemed to see me. Nick was standing next to me know and I knew he was worried about what Sebastian might do next; he had always been unpredictable but violent or dangerous would never have been words I would have used to describe him until now. Shaking his head, he drew in a shaky breath as every trace of anger left his face only to be replaced by something even more terrifying: fear. In that second, he had changed once again and this difference was even worse than when he was angry, I didn't know fear was something Sebastian even felt but it was pretty clear right then.

"I'm fine." Attempting once again to steady his breathing, he looked more like a shaking leaf than a strong human being.

At a shout from the other end of the hallway, I knew our absence had been noticed. But I couldn't give up then, we were so close to finding out what had been bothering Sebastian for weeks and I wasn't about to give up this chance just to make people happy. Besides, they wanted us to get closer right? Wasn't this technically exactly what we were supposed to be doing?

Glancing nervously from the walls and Sebastian who seemed determined to put back all of his defensive walls before someone found us standing here in the middle of the hallway, I made a rash decision. Grabbing Nick's hand, I moved quickly to where Sebastian was standing and pulled both of them into the men's bathroom before either of them had time to protest. Thankfully there was only one door and some idiot had decided it would be wise to put a lock on a public school bathroom door. As soon as the latch clicked, someone pulled from the outside and began hammering on the door when they realized it was locked.

Doing my best to ignore the loud knocking, I sat down on the oddly stained tiled floor and pulled Nick down next to me. Staring up at Sebastian, I waited for him to speak. He seemed confused, glancing between the two of us and the locked door uncertainly as if he wasn't quite certain what was going on. As long as I remained patient, I hoped he wouldn't put all those masks back on now that it was just the three of us. After all, Nick and I seemed to have been the only two people that Sebastian ever said anything to that wasn't either an insult or a sexual reference, so I had a small reason to hope.

The banging grew louder which made Sebastian flinch every few seconds. Remembering that I had grabbed my bag on the way out of the auditorium, I brought out my iPod and portable speakers, found a random playlist, and turned the music up loud enough to drown out whoever was outside the door.

Relaxing slightly now that the distracting sound was gone, Sebastian settled down uncomfortably on the floor on the opposite wall from me and Nick. "What are you doing, Sterling?" Underneath the unquestionable authority that always appeared in his voice, the caution was clearer than normal as he purposely stared at a space of wall right above my head to give the indication that he was looking at me when he really wanted to be anywhere else.

I shrugged, trying not to look too out of place since I was always on the other end of these situations. "Just making sure you're okay, you seemed a little upset when you left during Marley's song." _"A little upset", that's certainly an understatement! I feel like cussing people out in French isn't really just "a little upset". _Even not completely understanding what he had been saying, it hadn't been that far of a jump to imagine the lovely cuss words that he liked using in the English language were even better in French.

Staying silent, Nick squeezed my hand gently to let me know I was starting off well, after all, I was just repeating things I had heard from him over the years. "That." Sebastian looked down at the floor and stared at a crack and sighed wearily, "Remember how I told you I had a sister?" Nick and I nodded carefully, wondering where this was going. "Well she's not really my sister, more like a sister figure." He mumbled to himself, "Technically she would have been my sister if Kyle hadn't gone and died."

"Who's Kyle?" Nick asked before I could stop him. From the pained look on Sebastian's face, I wanted to smack Nick upside the head for ever asking something so personal so early in the conversation.

Teeth gritted and a frown apparent on his face, Sebastian answered softly, "My older brother."

"Were you two close?" _Another stupid question, Nick. _

Sebastian shook his head, to my surprise. I would have assumed that anyone who could make Sebastian so upset had to be close to him. "Not really, at least, not until his senior year. We just avoided each other before we couldn't anymore." Picking at the bottom of his blazer, he continued staring at the ground, making it quite obvious that he didn't want to say anything else. At least, that's what I figured his silence meant.

"There was an…incident…that apparently made him realize he had a somewhat important role to fulfill which he had previously been doing a horrible job of taking responsibility for." Ignoring the blazer he had been picking apart, he began nervously twisting a rather large ring that he always wore.

This was important and I couldn't lose the small opening he was giving. Fully aware that any word said at the incorrect time would send him even deeper into whatever shell he had built for himself, I was extraordinarily cautious about what to say to break the silence that we were enduring. "…What incident?" Pushing could be dangerous but he seemed pretty willing to speak and I knew I needed to take a risk before the silence engulfed us all.

Continuing to twist the ring, he glanced up again and locked onto my eyes as if he were searching for some hidden message buried deep within them. "Why do you want to know?" The words weren't accusatory or even angry, it was more like he was curious to understand why someone would be interested enough in him to care.

_Why do I care so much? Please tell me I don't have one of those savior complex thingies where I think it's my job to save everyone from themselves and people who hurt them. I think I really am just curious, besides…_"We're you friends." The realization was so simple, I cared merely because I knew he didn't have many friends and yet Nick and I had somehow made the cut. I wasn't going to brush that aside and act like it wasn't important or that it didn't make me feel needed.

Considering my statement for a moment, Sebastian was silent. "If that's truly the case, then I suppose I could tell you a story." Sending a questioning glance my way, I nodded, unsure whether this story was going to have anything to do with our previous conversation or if he was trying to deflect us away from that topic. "My parents got divorced when I was two so I didn't have much problem moving on and never being able to see my birth mother since I had no memories of her. Father got remarried when I was five, insisting that it was a good thing for there to be a woman in the house. His reason didn't make much sense than either since there were always women in the house, just none of them stayed very long."

Unwillingly, I thought that if any of those New Directions kids heard him say that, they would have made some remark about his mommy issues being why he slept around. A few weeks ago, I might have thought the same thing, but the way he spoke with barely any emotion concerning his step-mother was enough cause for me to believe he really didn't care whether or not he had a mother.

"By the time I was nine, father had already been remarried three times with a bunch of other random women in between. He was gone a lot, and since Kyle was off at school, I mostly stayed at a friend's house and only visited my actual home whenever father bothered to come home." _Still no emotion, surely this affected him more than he's showing. _

Nick opened his mouth to ask a question so I jabbed my elbow into his side to keep him quiet. _It's best to let him just talk, if that's what he wants to do. _Getting the message, he snapped his mouth shut and tried settling into a more comfortable position.

"Over the summer, my friend's parents went on vacation often so I had to stay home with Kyle and his friend who basically lived at our house. Zach, my friend who I keep mentioning, was sick one day when Kyle's friend came over so I had nothing to do except avoid the two of them all day and hope they got the message that I didn't want to be bothered." _Is that a hint that Nick and I should leave you alone? _"Anyway, they got bored with whatever they were doing and insisted I play a game with them. Informing them that I was busy had no effect and the next thing I knew, I was chasing Kyle, trying to get my iPod back."

He paused to take a breath yet continued to keep his face blank, "The two of them had escaped to the second floor but I was too tired to run after them anymore so I just sat down on the bottom step and hoped they came down soon after they realized they had won whatever game they had gotten me to play. Of course, father thought I was being a wimp by giving up, so I didn't really have any choice but to run up the stairs and start searching through the rooms for any sign of them." He slowed down and a flicker of emotion passed over his face too quickly for him to figure it out. "Apparently they had decided to hide in one of the bedrooms furthest from the stairs so I had to run the entire distance."

Again, he paused and debated what to say next. "I was only nine then so I was rather confused when I reached the room where they were hiding and saw them on the floor, kissing. Kyle saw me pretty quickly and pushed his friend off of him. I don't really know why I was shocked, probably because the matter had never come up in my household before, but I couldn't do anything except for stare at the two of them. Kyle started begging me not to say anything about it to father, and I agreed only after getting my iPod back from his friend."

_Okay, so is this just a random story? I asked you about the incident, Seb, and you haven't said anything about that. _"Father decided that it was alright for Kyle's friend to spend the night since it happened often anyway and he didn't see the harm. I think it was about midnight," something was wrong, that much was obvious by the battle of either controlling the emotions or letting them show playing out on his face, "…midnight, when I woke up and heard someone talking. The room was pitch black and I didn't see anyone but I felt pressure on my leg so I figured someone was trying to wake me up."

Glancing briefly at Nick, I could tell he was not too thrilled with where this story was going all of a sudden. Truth be told, neither was I, but I had been the one to drag them into the bathroom and demand that Sebastian tell us what was wrong, and in some twisted sense of relaying with no emotion whatsoever, he was doing just that.

"You know the problem with being nine years old? Things make even less sense than they do now and it's so difficult to put things in words. Well, you asked about the incident, although it technically might qualify as multiple incidents since he didn't stop until Kyle found out during his junior year."

Closing his mouth and glancing at the two of us expectedly, it was clear he was finished speaking for the time being. Neither of us knew what to say; after all, what do you tell someone who just admitted they had been molested and raped for the better part of a few years? I knew what to tell myself when I got stressed that I wasn't perfect enough thanks to years of Nick reinforcing the words in my head, but none of them fit this situation.

"So why did the song bother you?" Nick spoke up quickly, latching onto the one thing that still didn't make any sense.

For the first time since Sebastian had calmed down, emotion was evident on his face in the form of sadness. "…It's just the song Lucy sang at his funeral."

If even the mention the song his dead brother's girlfriend sang could elicit such emotion as we saw in the hallway, then the two of them had obviously been closer than Seb tried to let on.

"Come on," he stood up and handed me back my iPod, "we better get out of here before they think we're doing something illegal."

Reluctantly, I followed the two of them out of the bathroom and into the hallway where Mr. Shue looked about ready to throw a fit. Once again, Sebastian acted like himself and undoubtedly made some sexual reference that I didn't pay any attention to. There was no way he should have been able to say what he had just told me and Nick without being emotional. Besides, I wasn't about to let this information go, maybe he wanted people to think he was a jerk, but it seemed to me like he was just hurting and didn't know how else to deal with the pain.

**Okay, so I would really like some feedback from this chapter if it isn't too much trouble. Did you enjoy reading a chapter from Jeff's point of view? If so, should I do another one? **

**Thanks for reading!**


	12. Chapter Eleven

**Okay so I'm not really getting any feedback here, does anyone think this story is worth continuing? I promise to try moving the plot along faster, there are just so many different elements of the plot so it's hard to focus on them all at once. **

Nothing made sense. Just last night, I was so certain of my life, who my friends were, who I could trust completely, how I always understood what everyone was feeling, and suddenly I was unsure of everything. Overnight, my life had turned into a horrible soap opera and there was nothing clear I could do to fix it.

Since we had no classes together, Daniel's plan of avoiding me worked quite well until lunch rolled around and the only thing he could do was close in on himself far enough that none of us knew how to draw him back out. Xavier had insisted on walking him and Zach to class after breakfast and neither of them protested, although, if it had been my idea, I'm sure Daniel would have come up with some excuse for why it wouldn't be wise.

Unnatural silence reigned at our table as everyone picked at their food and tried to avoid eye contact with anyone else. Xavier and Jonathon made a comment every so often about the people practicing or whether we would have practice that day for show choir. After ten minutes of this, it became clear that none of us were in the mood for speaking so they quickly gave up.

The bell finally rung signaling the end of lunch and I sighed in relief, I had never been so happy to run off to class. Of course, Lucy wouldn't let me run. Seeing how quickly I stood up and started crossing the room, she hurried after me and grabbed my arm in a firmer grip than I imagined she possessed. "You're not seriously going to leave him alone, are you?" Throwing the untouched remains of my lunch in the garbage can, I tried to think of a reasonable excuse for why I needed to get out of there as soon as possible but nothing convincing came to mind.

"Look, Lucy, he doesn't want me around so I'm not going to push the issue right now." She wasn't convinced, that much was clear by the slight frown distorting her usually bright, smiling, features. "Xavier can walk them to class again," I pulled my arm gently out of her grip and started walking away again, "they'll be fine."

Ignoring the fact that I was attempting to walk away from her, Lucy ran after me and stepped straight into my path. "You don't understand, Kyle!" Exasperated, she placed her hands firmly on her hips and I mentally made a note that I had never been on her bad side before and it might be the scariest thing I've ever faced, "He might not know how to say it but he wants you on his side. You're his brother, you're supposed to protect him, even he knows that."

Trying to sidestep around her, she stepped in front of me again. "That's the damn problem!" The words weren't supposed to be harsh and I was surprised when she didn't even flinch even though I had tried – we all had tried – to not cuss around her as much since it made her uncomfortable. The look on her face was borderline cold but her eyes showed nothing but understanding. "I'm supposed to protect him but I can't do that when I've already screwed up so badly." She still didn't move, "Lucy," I placed my hand on her arm and gave her a gentle push, "I need to get to class. Please."

Coldness vanishing from her face, she nodded and stepped aside. Before I could take five steps however, she was whispering in my ear, "Just don't let Jason get to you, you're a better guy than he'll ever be." Puzzled how she seemed to know my worst fears, I watched her walk slowly back to where the others were still sitting, everyone but Daniel staring my way.

Not even my class on theater history could keep my thoughts from drifting back to the happenings on last night. It didn't help that Jason had insisted on sitting right behind me and kept poking me the entire class period in a vain attempt at getting me to talk to him. Intentionally, I had sat as far away from my friends as possible, mentally thinking the excuse was I wanted to be by myself but knowing full well I was just too afraid of what they all thought of me now. Unintentionally, I had made it rather easy for Jason to make me even more miserable than I already felt since I had accidently sat where I always did, forgetting that he always sat right behind me.

Michaela's eyes had narrowed dangerously when she realized where I was sitting but I couldn't be sure whether the anger was directed to me or to Jason, who just smiled in response. In hindsight, it would have been smarter to sit with my friends since their seats were closer to the exit but I had honestly thought Jason might leave me alone after I punched him this morning. However, he seemed to be under the impression that I was just stressed and that nothing had changed between us.

When the bell rang, I immediately stood up and started shoving books back into my bag, not even caring that my notebook with today's date at the top was completely empty. Lucy was the last one of my friends to leave the room and she glanced back questioningly but I didn't get an opportunity to know what she mouthed to me since Jason blocked my view before I could move away from my seat.

"Do you plan on ignoring me all day or is this silent treatment short-term?" As ticked as I still was, confusion overrode any other emotions as I looked up and noticed he hadn't fixed his unruly hair from earlier when I decked him. Why was this so complicated? He hurt Daniel, which should have been more than enough for me to be so angry I never wanted to see him again. Yet, I couldn't deny that he still had some power over my emotions, probably more than I'd be willing to admit at the moment.

Knowing I should try to squeeze past him without speaking but also fully aware that he would stop me before I could get past, I stood rooted to the spot, unable to say anything to make him go away. But I couldn't figure out if I wanted him to go away or not, which was really confusing.

"Still can't talk, Kyle? At least you calmed down since earlier," he smiled slyly and moved closer until there was only a blessed foot between us, "but I have to admit, it was pretty sexy seeing you so ticked." Under any normal circumstance, I would have kissed him by now and that would have been the end of my thinking, but I couldn't do that, not now, not after everything that happened. No matter if I still wanted to.

Words failed me as I searched his eyes for any glance of regret or guilt. _Maybe this is just a sick joke to see what my reaction would be. Yeah, that sounds like something Jason would do. …But not Lucy, she would never be a part of anything where Daniel was even pretending to be hurt. She wouldn't lie about that…_"How about we skip class and I can make it up to you? Prove that this is just some stupid test…" A shudder passed through my body as I let him kiss my cheek. I wanted to move, to run away and force myself to realize that truth, but he was standing in the way and I couldn't get past him.

Space suddenly came between us and I dimly heard people yelling but my ears weren't working correctly. A soft hand touched my right cheek where Jason had kissed me and started pulling me out of whatever haze I was in. I blinked slowly and the images before me starting coming in focus. Lucy was standing in front of me. Once that fact hit my brain I couldn't help but remark on how nice it felt to have her hand pressed lightly against my cheek. I couldn't push that feeling away even if I tried but I didn't try, trying cost too much.

"Kyle…Kyle, you there?" Blinking again, I came fully out of my haze and saw the concern on her face. Confusion took over when I didn't see Jason anywhere in the room but Xavier, Jonathon, Michaela and Lucy were the only people I saw.

"What-" My throat felt dry and parched as if I hadn't had a drink of water in days.

"You're not the only one capable of punching him, Kyle," Xavier didn't speak loudly but that just made the dangerous tone in his voice even scarier.

"Gosh, this has been an interesting day. Is it national "let's all punch Jason" day or something?" I had to remind myself that Michaela was just trying to be helpful but joking about hurting my boyfriend – ex-boyfriend – still was not all that humorous. Noticing my frown, she quickly apologized, to my utter surprise.

This was too confusing…"Wait, you actually hit him? Why?" It didn't compute in my mind why anyone else would want to hurt Jason, after all, I felt rather bad for hitting him earlier, at least, I did now, earlier I would have said he deserved it.

Taking my hand, Xavier led me out of the space between the two tables and forced us all out of the classroom, "Because no one gets to mess with my friends like that."

_"Mess with"? When was I being messed with? _"Dude, I think he's still in shock," Jonathon stopped in front of me to peer into my eyes before holding up three fingers, "how many fingers am I holding up?"

"Three, you moron," they knew I didn't like pointless games.

Lucy shook her head and took my other hand, "He's not in shock, John, he's just upset."

"I'm not-" but no one seemed keen on letting me finish my sentences lately since Michaela interrupted.

"Yeah, I'd say you're confused. You almost let the guy who hurt Daniel kiss you, that's not the sign of a healthy mental state." _Why were they saying these things? It was just a joke, Jason would never have done anything to hurt my brother. _

Pulling myself free from Lucy and Xavier's hands, I shoved past Jonathon and ran down the hall. It wasn't until I had run the entire way to the practice auditorium that I realized no one was following me. _Good, I can't deal with them now anyway. _Missing class was always frowned upon but I couldn't force myself to go knowing that they would be waiting to make nasty jokes about Jason again. He didn't deserve that since he hadn't done anything wrong.

Seeing no point in going into the empty auditorium just to sit and mope on the stage, I crossed into a perpendicular hallway that led to the instrumental practice rooms. Since we were still during school hours, no one would be using them so it would be a good place to hide out for a little while. The practice rooms really were a pretty nice place to stay: each one of them was soundproof and had its own piano and music stand, along with a couch which would suit my purposes for lying down and resting. Sure, they weren't huge but you only needed so much room to practice.

I just needed to be alone and process that fact that my friends were all lying to me and none of them had the decency to explain why.

"…doesn't change anything. I'm not just leaving." Frowning in confusion, I crept down the deserted hallway and turned to left down another hallway leading me closer to the voice. _No one should be here this time of day…_"Did you really think he was going to change anything?" I didn't enjoy the sound of threats and this was no exception.

Turning again at a crossroads, I froze as my brain tried to put together the images my eyes were sending me. Daniel was pressed against the wall and a guy clearly much older than him was kissing him intently. _What the hell? Daniel didn't mention anything- _My brain felt like it was going to explode as recent memories flooded back in and demanded my complete attention. _So that's what Xavier meant…_Unlike earlier, this wasn't about me.

Nothing was holding me back from being responsible.

Jason was on the floor before I consciously thought about hitting him. "I guess Michaela was right, it just must be the national day to beat the crap out of you."

I was ready this time and knew he would try to calm me down by getting close, so I simply wasn't going to allow him to get close. I didn't care what he did to me, but no one was allowed to touch Daniel. A smile crept across Jason's face while he again wiped the blood from his face. "Feisty today, Kyle? It's really very attractive." I didn't let him take but two steps towards me before I hit him again on the other side of his face.

Stumbling back from surprise, he opted to hold onto the most recently injured side of his face as he stared at me, all hints of a smile gone. Not even sure if I was strong enough to do what I intended, I was shocked when I slammed him against the wall and was actually able to hold him in place. "Stay away from my brother!" Without glancing at him again, I threw him away from me and only hoped he had the sense of mind to leave.

Adrenaline was still coursing through my veins making it so I didn't feel the tiredness that had previously been holding me down. "Daniel," he was still standing against the wall shaking, "are you okay?" Batting away the hand I reached out, he moved away from the wall and backed away from me.

"Why couldn't you just stay out of it?" Never before had I heard him yell, especially not at me. "Everything was fine and now you're making it worse!" I couldn't move when he ran away, my strength was leaving me as bewilderment took its place as I stared after my brother.


	13. Chapter Twelve

**It's been a little while since I last updated this story, but I am still working on it, I promise! **

**Slight warning as I am strongly against causing anyone distress, there is a short passage at the end of the chapter delving into mentions of suicide, so please beware. **

**Other than that, I have no other pieces of information for you, except that I hope you at least kind of don't think this was truly awful. However, I'd be fine with it if you mentioned it was. Also, any opinions are always welcome. **

Even hordes of dismal clouds and a relentless downpour of a wall of rain could not take away the fact that today was a one of the easiest I had had in a while. Of course, no good thing ever seemed to last long in my life.

Ever since Saturday, those two dimwits had been following me around relentlessly and throwing confusing glances my way whenever they thought I was not paying attention. Something even stranger than normal was going on around here but I was unconcerned as long as I was left out of the entire thing. I had no desire to be dragged into some sob fest about someone's dead grandmother or whatever when we all knew I would just stand awkwardly in a corner while trying to bite back harsh jokes.

Now when I was finally succeeding in studying for the first time in two weeks, now is when they decided to drag me into whatever was wrong in their pathetic lives. Why did no one ever understand that my short, snippy responses meant they should leave me alone? It worked for other people, so it should have worked for me too. I'm sure it would have if those idiots had a single brain cell between them. At least they finally had the sense to realize - after four years of everyone else knowing, at least that's what Trent had claimed a few days before I made sure he was out of the Warblers for good – that they clearly liked each other and they just needed to admit the truth.

Some people could just be so insensitive.

For it being four o'clock on a Tuesday, the library was oddly empty. Not that this fact bothered me; emptiness did mean fewer people that I would have the burning desire to hurt, after all. The gentle plopping of rain hitting the roof high above my head was beginning to have its tiring effect on me and I could feel myself drifting off as my brain went backwards in time. Realizing that I would much rather concentrate on the present, I forced myself alert and glared at the table in front of me as if it had caused all of these problems.

"Do you have a personal vendetta against that poor, old table or something?" Of course when I said I wanted to wake up, having my peace disturbed by the class fool and his silent partner did not really fit my vision. "It's pretty gloomy in here," _No, really? It's raining, you moron, what did you expect? Pretty butterflies and rainbows? _Attempting to pretend neither of them were there, I began gathering up my books and shoving them roughly into my bag, not caring whether or not they were organized.

As I stood to walk quickly out of the room to try and find a quiet place where no one could disturb me, Sterling grabbed my wrist and surprisingly held on pretty tightly when I attempted to free myself. "Seb, can you please just sit for a second so we can talk?" _Oh god, what does he want now? His pathetic concerned face makes me want to punch him with a brick. _

Realizing that he was stronger than he looked, I pulled myself harshly out of his grasp and moved farther away before responding, "Sorry, I have much better things to do than listen to you two slobs be sentimental or whatever other crap you want to talk about. Later." Again, I tried to walk away but the other one stepped in my way this time and shoved some blurred object in my face.

"Fine. But could you explain this first?" He sounded angry but I could not understand the context.

Pushing his arm out of my face, I took the object from his hand and held it up to examine it better. _What are they doing with a pill bottle? _"I'm uncertain as to what you need me to explain to you, Duval. Did your mother never explain the purpose of medicine to you?" Tossing the bottle back, I moved to shove past him but Jeff got in my way.

"It's your medicine, Seb, we're just wondering what you're doing with it." Even trying to sound judgmental did not work for him when that stupid concern was bleeding through his words.

Snatched the bottle back from Nick while he grimly tried to smile was not fun. Neither was standing here listening to damaged children go on and on about things they knew nothing about. "I could ask you the same thing, Sterling." Flipping the bottle in my hand, I absently checked the label and saw that it truly was mine. "You should not be making a habit of sneaking into my room and going through my things. Common courtesy or something."

"We wouldn't have to if you would just listen and tell us how we can help!" Jeff took a step towards me but froze when he saw the flash of anger in my eyes.

I shook my head and shoved the pill bottle into an outside compartment of my backpack, "I have no idea what you are talking about, Sterling, so what don't you just hurry off to practice so you aren't late again?" It was a weak threat since I was still there and Warbler practice didn't start for another half hour but it was the only explanation I could think of.

"Don't play that game with us," Nick stepped forward now, causing me to take a step back towards the table if I did not want to be run over. "You know what you said on Saturday."

"It's pretty serious, Sebastian. I don't think those drugs are helping you either, you didn't seem very calm on Saturday," Jeff added.

My entire body tensed as I stared at the two of them; I didn't remember telling them anything and surely I wouldn't have said anything, especially not to them. "I didn't take them Saturday…" I mumbled to myself. I knew it was bad to skip taking the drugs but the refill had not come in yet and I had to make a special trip back home later that night just to pick them up from my mother's house. There was no way that the two of them knew anything, they were just trying to get me to slip up so they could take over . Well, that wasn't about to happen under my watch. "Spreading rumors is a nasty habit to get into, Sterling, you might want to be more careful."

Nick's mouth opened in surprise as he tried to figure out how to respond. Jeff, on the other hand, seemed to be thinking intently. _That's a new look for him. _"You know, those things can cause a little bit of memory loss…and if what you said on Saturday was true, then your brain might be blocking those memories even more." _What is he talking about? I wouldn't have said anything…_ "Did you take them today?" Uncertain why, I slowly nodded as Jeff continued talking. "You don't seem as depressed today, just pretty irritable."

"That's normal for him though, Jeff," Nick cut in.

Considering something, Jeff didn't respond for a moment but continued to stare at me curiously. "What happens when you don't take them for a few days?"

_Why is this important? I need to finish blocking this number, not discussing whatever this is. _"I end up fine, that's what happens." There was no point to any of this, they knew nothing. "Is there some moronic point to this crap or are you just wasting my time, Sterling?" And I was back to wanting to see what his face looked like after being nailed with a brick.

He nodded and backed away, "I think you know the point. You get angry when you're on them, and when you aren't, you get depressed really quickly and that's what happened on Saturday. You said Marley singing "I Promise You" set you off and then you were outside in the hallway pacing restlessly and cussing the in French." I could feel the blood draining from my face the longer he spoke, I didn't remember any of this but it would all make sense. "…and then you said that you were depressed because your brother's boyfriend-"

I couldn't take it anymore. "Shut the hell up, Sterling; if you want to actually go on breathing I suggest that you both walk out of here right now and never bring this nonsense up again. Got it?" From where I was standing right in front of him, I could see the confused fear in Jeff's eyes as he nodded and gulped slightly. "Good. I'll see you at practice." _People deserve to be afraid of me. _I thought smugly as the two of them turned and hurried out of the library.

"…shouldn't talk about it again."

"But I'm worried, Nick, and you can't convince me that you aren't too."

"Yeah, but it's not like he's going to accept help and he's not going to go see a shrink even though he clearly needs to. What's the point?"

"The point is that maybe we can-"

I sighed in frustration, their conversation had been going on every time I allowed a second's rest during practice and it did not appear that they would be letting up now that practice was over and most of the guys had already run from the room. Somehow I still had their respect, but I understood that was more out of need than respect for me personally. Apparently being driven and determined enough to do anything it takes to win is a bad thing and if you participate in any slightly illegal activities, you're a horrible person and ought to be shunned. I enjoyed being shunned though, no one bothered me and made up ridiculous stories that were absolutely not true.

"Will the two of you ever shut up and continue with your pathetic lives?" I relished the look of surprise on their faces since they must have assumed I had already left the room. "This continuation of making up lies about me is flattering but also rather annoying, so just get back to being two stupid children who don't realize how gay they are and leave me alone."

Neither of them responded as I walked briskly from the room, still fuming over how stupid everyone was these days. I knew I had homework to do but there was no way that I was focusing clearly enough to get anything of importance done while these insane theories hung over my head. Unfortunately it was during the week so I could not go out and get drunk like I normally did when I was upset when these sorts of lies came up.

It was absurd that anyone would believe that I was weak enough to be such a stupid child, I had never done anything in my life that I didn't want to do. Maybe that made me a rich, stuck-up teenager but I didn't exactly care what anyone else thought about me as long as they stopped making stupid rumors which held no ground in truth.

Arriving at my dorm room, I turned the key in the lock and slammed the door closed behind me. Suddenly feeling exhausted, I sunk down against the back of the door without bothering to change or walk over to my bed. I hadn't been sitting down for longer than two minutes before my phone rang. Wearily reaching for my phone, I made sure to check the caller ID before picking up the phone. If I didn't answer when mother called, she would be concerned and there was no reason for her to worry. I was fine.

I had just reached my thumb across to push the "call" button when someone banged loudly on the door causing it to shake and making my thumb slip so I pushed the "ignore" button instead. _And now I have to come up with an excuse for ignoring her. Great. _Even though I was feeling oddly tired, the slight adrenaline rush I had received from practice managed to propel me to my feet long enough for me to make it to the bathroom.

At this point there was nothing else to be done. Soon after closing the door, a wave of intense anger flooded through my veins as I stood grasping the edge of the sink in order to keep myself upright. I was sick and tired of never being good enough to persuade people that I was fully and undoubtedly emotionally stable and in charge of my actions. No matter how many times I tried to change my outlook to fit whatever world perception others had, it was never strong enough to last for long.

Slamming the pill bottle on the counter I had taken back from Nick, I forcefully screwed the top off and dumped four of them into my hand. Without hesitating, I shoved the pills in my mouth and swallowed. The effects would take some time to set in, I was aware of that fact. So until then, I lowered myself down to the floor and sat against the wall, my back straight and my legs stretched out in front of me, just patiently waiting until I felt not even a hint of emotion.

Years ago, I had come to the realization that feeling nothing was a much better way to live life than feeling every terrible emotion that threated to carve its path into your brain and scar your body. Ironically, it had been father who first handed me a way of escape from the mental and physical pain I endured, and I was not quick to forget the truth of his love for me. Of course, I was not my perfectly-molded brother and could never be expected to rise above the depression I was forced into at a young age, but I still remained his son, no matter how many wives he went through who tried to persuade him how worthless I was.

Worthless. How I hated the word.

There were plenty of people in the world who did far worse things than I. Yet, I was the one deemed a waste of precious space, not the countless murderers who resided upon the "beautifully innocent" world in which every human being lives. Was I truly worth less than a serial killer? Possibly, at least they were impacting the world in some fashion while I continued contemplating whether or not I should bother fighting to keep myself alive when it was so obvious how much I was despised and unwanted.

A few people might notice my passing, true, but no one important enough to me that I was certain they would recover quickly and soon forget all about the boy who caused them much distress during his short life. For all their mindless words, even Nick and Jeff wouldn't mind me going away; they only wanted me to lead them back to victory because they were all a spineless bunch of irresponsible teenagers who were afraid of the consequences so they decided to throw someone else to the lions and pretended to follow along in support.

My mother probably couldn't care less if I died or not since she made her opinion of me pretty clear when she left me with my deranged father and never bothered to call. For some unknown reason, my step-father might be upset but he should recover quickly since I'm not really his son so there is no legitimate reason he should ever bother to care. My real father will be glad to hear I'm finally forever gone from his life since I will no longer be destroying his entire existence.

Moving my back closer to the wall, a sudden flash of heat surged through my body. Uncertain whether the heat was physical or if my anger had grown strong enough to trick my mind into believing I was burning, I shifted my weight until I had successfully laid down on the somewhat cool floor as I waited for the heat to pass. If it was just my emotions however, it wouldn't be quick in vanishing and it might just be the last thing I feel before I finally sleep.

Giving in to the boiling anger seething seemingly from my skin, I refused to fight when my eyesight began to become blurry and dead images of past times floated in and out of my sight in the form of some cruel movie. I was doing this to get away from life, not be reminded of it at the last moment! Squeezing my eyes shut against the force of the backlit pictures, I tried to let the heat take over my body in order to ignore the nagging feeling that I needed to open my eyes and fight back.

A sudden thumping brought me slightly out of the self-induced haze and my eyes blinked open partway before I was aware that the images were back and forcefully closed them again. Of course they were back, they were always there. But why couldn't they leave me alone just this once?

I was losing, either that or I was winning at long last. Noise turned to dim whispering and my body began to feel numb. Not even the voices in my head demanding that I get up and fight were strong now.

Drifting somewhere between partial consciousness and the overly welcome darkness is as far as I got in achieving my goal.

**I don't plan on being gone as long as last time but you never can be sure with finals week...**


End file.
